Dreams

I had one of *those dreams* again yesterday.  It was so vivid at the time, but like all it's brethren  it starts to fade in my memory after a while.  I dreamt I was in the parsonage, on the carport, cleaning and gardening (my two most common activities right now.)   The local kids were hanging around, as they are wont to do.  The weather started to turn - this area is the worst in Georgia for tornados. The kids ran down to the ditch at the bottom of the driveway and laid down.  I yelled and screamed for them to come inside either the parsonage or church for shelter, but to no avail.  I barely got inside to lay on the kitchen floor before it hit.  The wind was so strong, it moved me around on the floor of the kitchen.  I was able to get the door shut but to keep it shut for my safety and the safety of the kids and cats, I had to lock it.  The kids in the neighborhood had no way to get in - and I was incredibly sad at this.  I was able to take refuge under my desk.

Yesterday, the dream seemed so real that I wondered at the state of the house and yard.  I kept expecting it to be covered with storm debris.  I had dreamt that the roof was partially ripped off and that much of the house was soaked with water - and was surprised to get to the kitchen yesterday and find it OK.

I know what my dream probably means.  And it makes me sad.  The power of God moves through - the justice and righteousness of God is like the power of the tornado.  Shelter and safety are offered, but not all take advantage of it.  I know that's one meaning.  Sitting with it today.

Why I Have Not Been Blogging

Answer number one: it started to seem like effort.  I set up arbitrary deadlines for myself (like blogging every day) and when I failed to meet them - well, it felt like failure.

Answer number two: Facebook, Twitter and the like.

Answer number three: Candy Crush Saga (and its like.)

Answer number four: fear.

Answer number five: lack of "space" to do so (on many levels.)

I don't think it's because I have lack of things to say - but I edit myself quite a bit now-a-days.  I edit out the 'Dark Thoughts' and the critique of people, places and things.  For instance, my thought process this morning was just frankly depressing.  It goes like this:

We are all "special" or at least we have been told so all our lives.  We are all as unique as snowflakes.  But y'all - there are billions of snowflakes.  There have been billions in the past and there will be billions in the future.  How special can one snowflake really be amid those billions?

See?  Dark and depressing.  And so I edited it out of my thought process most of morning until I sat down and did some prayer and meditation.  And it faded and slipped away into that dark morass of fear and anxiety from whence comes the majority of my Dark Thoughts.

Does it edify anyone whatsoever to know those Dark Thoughts?  Does it add to the goodness of the world for them to hit the light? I don't know, so I don't blog them.

There might be goodness found to know that others struggle with Dark Thoughts.  There might be some goodness found to know how others cope and deal with them.

Thinks to ponder. (Yes, and I said "Thinks.")