Answer number one: it started to seem like effort. I set up arbitrary deadlines for myself (like blogging every day) and when I failed to meet them - well, it felt like failure.
Answer number two: Facebook, Twitter and the like.
Answer number three: Candy Crush Saga (and its like.)
Answer number four: fear.
Answer number five: lack of "space" to do so (on many levels.)
I don't think it's because I have lack of things to say - but I edit myself quite a bit now-a-days. I edit out the 'Dark Thoughts' and the critique of people, places and things. For instance, my thought process this morning was just frankly depressing. It goes like this:
We are all "special" or at least we have been told so all our lives. We are all as unique as snowflakes. But y'all - there are billions of snowflakes. There have been billions in the past and there will be billions in the future. How special can one snowflake really be amid those billions?
See? Dark and depressing. And so I edited it out of my thought process most of morning until I sat down and did some prayer and meditation. And it faded and slipped away into that dark morass of fear and anxiety from whence comes the majority of my Dark Thoughts.
Does it edify anyone whatsoever to know those Dark Thoughts? Does it add to the goodness of the world for them to hit the light? I don't know, so I don't blog them.
There might be goodness found to know that others struggle with Dark Thoughts. There might be some goodness found to know how others cope and deal with them.
Thinks to ponder. (Yes, and I said "Thinks.")
3 comments:
I SSOOOOo get this. The moreso because of this extended, unexpected job search. And because I wonder if anyone likes to read it. And then - when I do, suddenly people email or tell me - LOVED that post. Go figure.
So my advice to you is maybe to start an anonymous blog and write what irks, questions, thinks, etc that you want to write but can't put here. Because I learn from you.
Just sayin
I've thought about the anon blog - but I wonder how anonymous anything on the internet really is...
I've also long held the belief in being transparent in my spiritual life. There are enough false selves in this world. I think of RLP and his transparency when he was active. I learn from the struggle AND the effort to be transparent.
And thanks, Deb, I learn from you as well!
Although I've been blogging book reviews on a reasonably regular basis, and manage to achieve one or two Friday 5s each month, I'd love to write more of my own story, but I have an overwhelming fear no one will read it. And yes, I do want everyone to know who I am.
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