Vacation

We've been on vacation for about a week now.  First the Alabama Shakespeare Festival and now Mexico Beach.  I love the beach.  I don't even have to go into the water to enjoy the beach.  This beach is a tad too crowded for me.  I'm spoiled by Dog Island, Sapelo and St. George.  I'm used to being the ONLY person on the beach.  People a quarter mile away are just too close.  Also the houses and condos are way too close here - I'm just a recluse at heart.

Katharine Hepburn used to have a sign at the end of her beach house driveway that said "Please Go Away."  I understand that sign all too well.  I'm still tired of interaction with people.  I know where it comes from - I deal with way too many people who always want something out of me.  I know that it comes from dealing with the indigent and those who really need a hand up - or a hand out.  I know that I am "taken" too often by those who probably see me as an easy touch.  But I do it anyway and then I end up where I am right now - antisocial.  I'll be glad to be back and by Sunday I'll be myself again.  But right now I'm OK with being in this condo with just us.

I've noticed that my attitude toward food has changed since the last time I was at the beach.  I can't eat (gorge) on beautiful huge seafood platters anymore.  Bill and I have to split a platter.  That's OK because we save money and it means that the surgery has worked for me.  I'm content to split a platter.  All I need is one or two bites of truly delicious food to be content.

Food is still enjoyable - I just can't have that much anymore!

I have also noticed that my bathing suit really doesn't fit anymore.  Today I'm going to have to wear a bra under the suit - which will look funny but it will keep everything where it need to be.  I'm planning on wearing a shirt over the bra and suit to hid all the extra straps.  Added benefit is that I'll have that much more sun protection!  Maybe by the next time we come to the beach, I'll have had skin surgery to take care of some of my problems...

Reflections upon Vacation

It's been 4 1/2 months since Weight Loss Surgery and I've lost 50+ pounds.  I have at least 100 more to go, if not 150 so I'm not excited yet.  I have a certain amount of hanging skin already.  I'm really concerned that I'll get so much, I'll look like Elephant Woman or a Shar Pei.  The kids say that I've been "deflating" instead of shrinking.

I honestly can't tell except that my legs and arms are smaller.  I still have a double chin and a HUGE stomach.  I suppose it's time to exercise more, but I have a tremendous reluctance to go "out" to exercise.  I have an exercise bike and I have purchased a really nice set of hand barbells.  I also need to walk more.  I'm still wearing the same clothing as before - it will seem more real when I start needing new clothing.

I'm also looking at pictures of people who have had skin removal surgery and really thinking about what that might entail for me.  The stomach thing and the "batwings" are the most distressing for me.  Grandmother had a very large amount of skin hanging on her arms that it was almost disabling.  I'm going that way myself.

I think this surgery is going to allow me to truly LIVE until I die ... eventually. I'm not there yet.

*****
I've needed this vacation for quite a while now.  I'm feeling like a piece of chewing gum that's had all the flavor chewed out of it.  I need the recharge.  I'm great about preaching how Jesus took a break from people from time to time to go off alone by himself for prayer and reflection - and I'm lousy at actually doing it.

I've noticed the difference from previous vacations.  Used to be I looked with great anticipation to the next delicious seafood scrumptiousness to be eaten at the next meal.  Now - eh, not so much.  I can nibble off of Bill's platter or the girl's and be satisfied.  I can only eat a few bites at each meal and I want those bites to be excellent: delicious and nutritious. I didn't realize how much of my vacation time was centered around food!  What can I do instead?!?!

I think the NOT focusing on food or photography or watercolors or puzzles or anything else that I am accustomed to doing on vacation has given me more time to be.  Just to be.  I wonder how many of these things I use as distractions. I guess I should turn off the internet as well to do away with ALL distractions.