Reflections upon Vacation

It's been 4 1/2 months since Weight Loss Surgery and I've lost 50+ pounds.  I have at least 100 more to go, if not 150 so I'm not excited yet.  I have a certain amount of hanging skin already.  I'm really concerned that I'll get so much, I'll look like Elephant Woman or a Shar Pei.  The kids say that I've been "deflating" instead of shrinking.

I honestly can't tell except that my legs and arms are smaller.  I still have a double chin and a HUGE stomach.  I suppose it's time to exercise more, but I have a tremendous reluctance to go "out" to exercise.  I have an exercise bike and I have purchased a really nice set of hand barbells.  I also need to walk more.  I'm still wearing the same clothing as before - it will seem more real when I start needing new clothing.

I'm also looking at pictures of people who have had skin removal surgery and really thinking about what that might entail for me.  The stomach thing and the "batwings" are the most distressing for me.  Grandmother had a very large amount of skin hanging on her arms that it was almost disabling.  I'm going that way myself.

I think this surgery is going to allow me to truly LIVE until I die ... eventually. I'm not there yet.

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I've needed this vacation for quite a while now.  I'm feeling like a piece of chewing gum that's had all the flavor chewed out of it.  I need the recharge.  I'm great about preaching how Jesus took a break from people from time to time to go off alone by himself for prayer and reflection - and I'm lousy at actually doing it.

I've noticed the difference from previous vacations.  Used to be I looked with great anticipation to the next delicious seafood scrumptiousness to be eaten at the next meal.  Now - eh, not so much.  I can nibble off of Bill's platter or the girl's and be satisfied.  I can only eat a few bites at each meal and I want those bites to be excellent: delicious and nutritious. I didn't realize how much of my vacation time was centered around food!  What can I do instead?!?!

I think the NOT focusing on food or photography or watercolors or puzzles or anything else that I am accustomed to doing on vacation has given me more time to be.  Just to be.  I wonder how many of these things I use as distractions. I guess I should turn off the internet as well to do away with ALL distractions.