Household Principles for Children

Household Principles for Children from the Old Testament
Lamentations of the Father.
1997 Ian Frazier and The Atlantic Monthly

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

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Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book.Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Complete article here.

an aside -- m2 -- good observations on Leviticus. Leviticus 19 is the portion included in the Lectionary and it is the best part. It's the portion most frequently quoted in the NT -- Jesus quoted it several times or alluded to it. It starts with "Be holy, as I thy God am holy" and then recounts the 10 commandments, with some interpretation. It goes on "You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. You shall not go up and down as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand forth against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason with your neighbor, lest you bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD." The rest of the Law hinges on this Holiness Code -- violate this and you violate the Law. Fulfill this and you fulfill the Law -- as Jesus did. It's an interesting reading to use to show how Christians can get overly committed to our rules and still not love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Running to the next Bible Study -- Later.