Morning Prayer - St. Augustine of Hippo - Let me be holy.

Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen.

Morning Prayer - St. Francis of Assisi - Peace Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace; Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is error, the truth; Where there is doubt, the faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; And where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled, as to console; To be understood, as to understand; To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

Morning Prayer -- St. Francis of Assisi -- Brother Sun and Sister Moon

Most high, all-powerful, all good, Lord!
All praise is yours, all glory, all honor
And all blessing.

To you alone, Most High, do they belong.
No mortal lips are worthy
To pronounce your name.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through all that you have made,
And first my lord Brother Sun,
Who brings the day; and light you give to us through him.
How beautiful is he, how radiant in all his splendor!
Of you, Most High, he bears the likeness.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Moon and Stars;
In the heavens you have made them, bright
And precious and fair.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all the weather's moods,
By which you cherish all that you have made.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Water,
So useful, lowly, precious, and pure.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Brother Fire,
Through whom you brighten up the night.
How beautiful he is, how gayl Full of power and strength.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Earth, our mother,
Who feeds us in her sovereignty and produces
Various fruits and colored flowers and herbs.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through those who grant pardon
For love of you; through those who endure
Sickness and trial.
Happy those who endure in peace,
By you, Most High, they will be crowned.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Death,
From whose embrace no mortal can escape.
Woe to those who die in mortal sin
Happy those She finds doing your will!
The second death can do no harm to them.

Praise and bless my Lord, and give him thanks,
And serve him with great humility.

--St. Francis of Assisi

Morning Prayer -- Soren Kierkegaard -- the philosopher at prayer

It is a wonderful thing to see a first-rate philosopher at prayer. Tough-minded thinking and tenderhearted reverence are friends, not enemies. We have for too long separated the head from the heart, and we are the lesser for it. We love God with the mind and we love God with the heart. In reality, we are descending with the mind into the heart and there standing before God in ceaseless wonder and endless praise. As the mind and the heart work in concert, a kind of "loving rationality" pervades all we say and do. This brings unity to us and glory to God.

Tyger, Tyger -- Poem for a Prayer

Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Tyger the poem reads,
You burn bright
And like that fatalistic moth of old,
I am consumed by that flame.

My plumage is fiercely colored,
Jewel tones of emerald, amethyst and carnelian
Long flowing feathers stream behind me
Unconstrained by any boundary and I am
Facile in movement and song,
A glorious splatter of color against the brilliant blue of the sky.

Until
Attracted by that brightness,
I am captured into your consuming presence
And I burn to ash

But
Only to rise again into my natural splendor.
It is ashes to ashes, dust to dust, but I am caught in a never-ending cycle
Of color and ash, song and sorrow, completeness and brokenness.

Are we stuck in this lifeboat?
You and I? We have, between the two of us
Fascinated and used up all in this boat with us.
Your charisma and my obsessions have either burnt them up
Or driven away all but those whose armor is strong
Or senses are dulled.

Will your essential tygerness and my volatile nature co-exist?
Will my forest continue to be friendly? Or will I have to leave?
Yet this lifeboat is all I can hang on to until we reach land.

You are no pussycat
And I am no owl.
A Tyger and a Phoenix went out to sea…

Morning Prayer -- Soren Kierkegaard -- I die every day

Lord! Make our heart Your temple in which You live. Grant that every impure thought, every earthly desire might be like the idol Dagon - each morning broken at the feet of the Ark of the Covenant. Teach us to master flesh and blood and let this mastery of ourselves be our bloody sacrifice in order that we might be able to say with the Apostle: "I die every day." 

Morning Prayer -- Soren Kierkegaard -- One Thing

Father in Heaven! What are we without You! What is all that we know, vast accumulation though it be, but a chipped fragment if we do not know You! What is all our striving, could it ever encompass a world, but a half-finished work if we do not know You: You the One, who is one thing and who is all!

So may You give to the intellect, wisdom to comprehend that one thing; to the heart, sincerity to receive this understanding; to the will, purity that wills only one thing. In prosperity may You grant perseverance to will one thing; amid distractions, collectedness to will one thing; in suffering, patience to will one thing.

You that gives both the beginning and the completion, may You early, at the dawn of the day, give to the young the resolution to will one thing. As the day wanes, may You give to the old a renewed remembrance of their first resolution, that the first may be like the last, the last like the first, in possession of a life that has willed only one thing. Alas, but this has indeed not come to pass. Something has come in between. The separation of sin lies in between. Each day, and day after day something is being placed in between: delay, blockage, interruption, delusion, corruption. So in this time of repentance may You give the courage once again to will one thing.

True, it is an interruption of our ordinary tasks; we do lay down our work as though it were a day of rest when the penitent is alone before You in self-accusation. This is indeed an interruption. But it is an interruption that searches back into its very beginnings that it might bind up anew that which sin has separated, that in its grief it might atone for lost time, that in its anxiety it might bring to completion that which lies before it.

You that gives both the beginning and the completion, give Your victory in the day of need so that what neither our burning wish nor our determined resolution may attain to, may be granted unto us in the sorrowing of repentance: to will only one thing.

Morning Prayer -- Soren Kierkegaard -- Petition for all who are sick and sorrowful

Father in Heaven! To You the congregation often makes its petition for all who are sick and sorrowful, and when someone among us lies ill, alas, of mortal sickness, the congregation sometimes desires a special petition; grant that we may each one of us become in good time aware what sickness it is which is the sickness unto death and aware that we are all of us suffering from this sickness.

O Lord Jesus Christ, who came to earth to heal them that suffer from this sickness, form which, alas, we all suffer, but from which You are able to heal only those who are conscious they are sick in this way; help us in this sickness to hold fast to You, to the end that we may be healed of it.

O God the Holy Spirit, who comes to help us in this sickness if we honestly desire to be healed; remain with us so that for no single instance we may to our own destruction shun the Physician, but may remain with Him - delivered from sickness. For to be with Him is to be delivered from our sickness, and when we are with Him we are saved from all sickness. 

Morning Prayer -- Soren Kierkegaard -- Seeking is never without its promise

Father in Heaven! We know indeed that seeking is never without its promise, how then could we fail to seek You, the author of all promises and the giver of all good gifts! We know well that the seeker does not always have to wander far afield since the more scared the object of his search, the nearer it is to him; and if he seeks You, O God, You are of all things most near!

But we know also that the seeking is never without its pains and temptations, how then would there not be fear in seeking You, who are mighty! Even he who trusts in thought to his kinship with You does not venture forth without fear upon those crucial decisions of thought where, through doubt, he seeks to trace Your presence in the wise order of existence or, through despair, he seeks to trace You in the obedience under providence of rebellious events. 

Those, whom You call Your friends, who walk in the light of Your countenance, they, too, not without trembling, seek the meeting of friendship with You who alone are mighty. People of prayer who love with their whole heart - it is not without anxiety that they venture into the conflict of prayer with their God. The dying man, for whom You shift the scene, does not relinquish the temporal without a shudder when You call him. Not even the child of woe, for whom the world has nothing but suffering, flee to You without fear, You who do not merely alleviate, but are all in all! How then should the sinner dare to seek You, O God of righteousness! But therefore he seeks You, not as these others do, but seeks You in the confession of sins. 

Optimism and the Board of Ordained Ministry

I am at heart an optimistic person.  Although I am enough of a realist to know to expect the worst possible outcome, I almost always anticipate the best.  I am reminded of Ronald Reagan's favorite joke.  To quote:

"The joke concerns twin boys of five or six. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities - one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist - their parents took them to a psychiatrist." 

"First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. 'What's the matter?' the psychiatrist asked, baffled. 'Don't you want to play with any of the toys?' 'Yes,' the little boy bawled, 'but if I did I'd only break them.'

"Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. 'What do you think you're doing?' the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. 'With all this manure,' the little boy replied, beaming, 'there must be a pony in here somewhere!'"  - excerpted from How Ronald Reagan Changed My Life by Peter Robinson

I am that optimist - there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!  I think that we are promised that in Romans 8 - that all things, no matter how good or how bad - in fact how incredibly awful, stinking and horrible - all things will work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. We may not see it immediately - we may NEVER see it, but this is His promise.  And I rest in that promise.

Or as Thich Nhat Hanh would state it:

"'Neither defiled nor immaculate.' Defiled or immaculate. Dirty or pure. These are concepts we form in our mind. A beautiful rose we have just cut and placed in our vase is immaculate. It smells so good, so pure, so fresh. It supports the idea of immaculateness. The opposite is a garbage can. It smells horrible, and it is filled with rotten things.

"But that is only when you look on the surface. If you look more deeply you will see that in just five or six days, the rose will become
part of the garbage. You do not need to wait five days to see it. If you just look at the rose, and you look deeply, you can see it now. And
if you look into the garbage can, you see that in a few months its contents can be transformed into lovely vegetables, and even a rose." excerpted from The Heart of Understanding.

Things just ARE.  Most really are not that different in substance - the good that we perceive cannot really exist without that which we see as bad, just as the rose cannot exist without compost, the rose is on the way to being the compost and the compost the rose.  It's all a part of the cycle.

I was deferred by the Board of Ordained Ministry for a year.  Some see this as bad, awful, rotten and so forth.  I see the pony, I see the rose. I am on the way to becoming the person God intended.  How can this be bad?  All things work together for the good, for those who are called according to His purpose.  If God is for me, who can be against me?  Praise God!  I am becoming.

One month, two days post surgery.

Tonight the loving husband and I went out to dinner at a new restaurant that features Mediterranean food.  All went well with the hummus and pita bread.  I tried a Dolmos - started to feel queasy.  I ate half of a Falafel - not so good. I ended up in the Ladies' room, sick to my stomach.  It's the first time I actually have lost food.  I guess I'll stick to the blander diet the Doctor suggested.

I end up eating ... meat.  Lots of meat.  I *have* to get in 80 to 90 grams of protein.  If I could eat a steak, I'd have no problem.  But I have a stomach the size of a banana and can only eat every three hours -- just a couple of ounces at a time.

Good news is that I'm down 29 pounds today.  I'll take it.

Day 23

It's day 23 since surgery and I'm down 26 pounds total.  I had hoped for more, but there it is.  I weigh now less than I have in 5 years, so that's good.  I hope to weigh less that I did 10 years ago before I have to go before the board in March.  And I hope to weigh less than I did between children before conference in June.  It's not been easy.  I still am not on a solid diet - all pureed foods and liquids.  Most of the protein shakes I've been drinking have tasted bad - and I just can't stomach them.  My taste buds have indeed shifted since surgery.  I want something different just for the flavor.  I have to force myself to drink 3 protein shakes and eat the two meals (even if they are only 4 ounces!) The worst of it is taking my pills.  I can only take one or two per hour, so it takes HOURS to take my pills.

++++++++++

To continue on with the last posting:
When did I become ready to have the surgery?  Physically, I'm sure it was quite a while ago, but mentally it was when a piece of cake won.  It had power over me.  I gave into a desire for that cake, even when I knew that the consequences were not going to be good because it wasn't my cake.

When I realized that I really don't have power over food, I gave over my desires to a higher power.  Prayer really does work - prayer and meditation.  When I finally realized I couldn't lose the weight on my own, that I needed to do something drastic, it was probably last June.  I researched what I needed to do.

First I needed to see if I would qualify for the surgery.  The surgical center around here needed to see:

• A body mass index of greater than or equal to 40
• Body mass index between 35 and 39 and at least one major medical co-morbidity, such as:
• Respiratory problems (sleep apnea or hypoventilation syndrome)
• Diabetes
• Hypertension

I didn't have the co-morbidities, but I did have the BMI.  Not having the co-morbidities is the reason I wouldn't have qualified 15 years ago, but I have gained a considerable amount of weight since my mother died in 2001.

Then I looked at the requirements of our health insurances (I'm covered by two - mine and my husband's).  They were many.

My insurance company require six consecutive months of documented weight loss attempts. We needed documentation for each visit:

• Vital signs (must include weight)
• Discussion of and suggestions of diet
• Discussion of physical activity or exercise program 
• Discussion of behavioral modification
• Discussion of or use of weight loss drugs.

In addition, there was an extensive psychological interview.  My husband's insurance had the additional stipulation that I needed to document several years of obesity (which I obtained from my PCP.)

After I gathered all the information, I had to attend a nutrition seminar which was followed up by a one-to-one discussion with the nutritionist.  Then I had to be cleared for surgery by my PCP, a presurgical appointment with the doctor, a presurgical appointment with the hospital, EKG and a two week liquid diet.

This takes a lot of work and perseverance.  And it's only the beginning.

Day 17 - Update and What I Did Before Surgery

First, I haven't lost anything in the past few days.  I've lost approximately 24 pound since Jan 1 and then I have hit a "stall."  Not unexpected - perfectly normal, but slightly discouraging.  I'm continuing on with the program and I know something will have to give eventually.  I understand that the process MUST have stalls and plateaus.  From what I understand, the lipids (fats) leave the fat cells, but there is still cellular structure left behind. That cellular structure is filled with lymph and "water" - but not all the way.  Water weighs more than fat, therefore I weigh the same amount, although I am smaller.  Eventually the cellular structure gets redistributed and I will lose weight again.  But as with all waiting, the anticipation gets to me.  The tape in my head says things like, "See, this isn't going to work either."

I also need to change it up a bit.  Maybe bump up the protein.  Maybe more exercise.  I need to get on the exercise bike today because it's just too cold outside to walk.  But I think the main thing is to NOT FREAK OUT because I'm not losing weight like I think I should.

++++

This surgery had been a consideration for me for a long long time.  I think the first time I considered WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) was 1994 after my first child.  At that time, I was maybe 40 to 50 pounds overweight.  It took a few months to lose that "baby fat" but I eventually did it and was able to wear a size 12 in between kids.  After my second child, I encountered some medical issues unrelated to weight and gained.  I wasn't too concerned at the time with the weight and put that worry on the back burner.

After the second child, I became an At Home Mommy.  It just made sense at the time.  However, I really went through a grieving process at the lost of my identity as a career-woman. There was also additional stress in my extended family that caused me more anxiety.  Stress + Anxiety = Weight Gain.  Simple equation.  I still didn't consider surgery an option, but did some research.

In fact, I didn't really consider surgery as an option until we moved to Rome and I began to gain more weight.  By this time, I think I had tried every diet known to man (OK, an exaggeration).  I figured out that I have spent more than half my life on a diet, losing weight and then the other half gaining weight.  I have spent literally thousands of dollars on the pursuit of losing weight.  I know this because my loving husband, Bill, keeps meticulous records of our spending and one day I added it all up.  Thousands of dollars, and for what?  In 2012, I weighed more than I have ever weighed before.

So in November 2012, I attended a WLS seminar given by Harbins Clinic and the office of Dr. Ryland Scott.  I filled out preliminary paperwork to see what kind of coverage I had with my insurance companies.  Then I waited.  I was interested, but I wasn't ready.  When did I become ready?  Next installment....

Interesting Articles about Church Closings, Decline in Giving

7 reasons (among many) why my church died

Report: Church giving reaches Depression-era record lows

Empty Tomb Article

Simple Church

Day 8 - Theresa Vs the Volcano

Well, not the volcano, but her her health insurance company.

When I decided to get this surgery, I of course contacted my insurance company to make sure I knew what was necessary to be covered.  I contacted Bill's as well.  I ended up with a page long list of things that I had to do before hand to be qualified.  The list ranged from things like a doctor's letter with my weight for the last 10 years, 6 months of a doctor supervised weight loss program, psychological testing and so forth. I was assured that as long as I followed the plan, I would have no problems.

This was probably in late June 2013 or early July.  I immediately made appointments with my primary care physician, went on a diet and started working the list. If you have ever known someone who had done WLS (Weight Loss Surgery), you know that there are many hoops to jump through.  I finished the final hoop on Dec 13, 2013 and the final paperwork was submitted to the insurance companies.  Surgery was scheduled Jan 13, 2014 at 6:30 am.  All I had to do is wait a month and do the pre-diet. Little did I know that the fun was just starting.

On New Year's Eve, around 2:00 pm, I received a rather disturbing phone call from the surgeon's office.  They needed to "convert" my surgery to gastric by-pass so that insurance would pay for it.  I deliberately did not choose by-pass.  I didn't like some of the side effects, including the malabsorption issues.  I already have malabsorption issues with the pernicious anemia.  I don't need more.  I didn't choose the Lap-band because I really really don't like the idea of permanent man-made materials being left in my body.  If I didn't have VSG, I was going to just not have surgery.  Immediately, I called my health care coordinator at the conference office - but only was able to leave a voicemail.  I called my insurance company to no avail.  The people in the call center were polite but just not capable of helping me.  I called the GBOPHB (General Board of Pensions and Health Benefits) and talked to several people.  I called the Georgia Insurance Commission, but I could not really resolve this on New Year's Eve.

On Jan 2, I began calling again.  I was most displeased with the insurance company. Their call center employees are not at fault - the fault lies with those who wish the customer to NEVER talk to anyone who can make a decision.  EVER.  I finally talked to a customer service rep who asked if I had filed an appeal - I didn't know I could do that.  So she gave me a fax number and told me to get the doctor's office to write a letter and mark it "URGENT."

The doctor complied but didn't mark it URGENT.  They tried to recall the letter and do it again marked urgent, but was told by the insurance company that the letter had already been received, a file had been opened therefore it was too late. They guaranteed that we would hear back in 30 days!  Surgery was 11 days away - no way was I just going to sit and wait.

I called the Georgia Insurance Commissioner's office.  I was offered an opportunity to begin a case against the insurance company and would hear back - in 30 days.

That Thursday I also talked extensively to the General Board.  They were most helpful.  We discovered on the insurance company's website their own qualifications for 2014 - and that VSG was indeed a covered surgery.  We both searched online for the previous document - the 2013 - under which I was originally told that the surgery was covered.  I couldn't find it, but the General Board did.  It seems that VSG was NOT an excluded surgery in that document.  However, when we submitted the final paperwork, it was also NOT included under approved surgeries.  VSG did not appear in the document at all.  This was the basic problem.

On Monday or Tuesday, the doctor's office marked the appeal "urgent" and submitted it again anyway - by Wednesday they were told that it did not qualify to be urgent and we would hear back from them - guess what - in 30 days.

So the Doctor's office decided to go with my husband's insurance instead.  By Thursday, they had approved the surgery, but with a LARGE deductible and co-pay.  You see, we had decided to go with an HSA this year instead of a PPO for his insurance because my insurance was so much better.

AND - just as an aside - all this time I am working on my full-connection paperwork.  150 plus pages of papers, 10 DVD's - you know, nothing much at all.  So on Thursday I went and visited conference office and talked extensively to Karen in our benefits office.  What a lovely woman!  She reassured me that we would work it out.

And it was worked out.  Sometime after 4 on Friday (remember that surgery is Monday at 6:30 am!) I received a phone call that insurance would indeed cover my surgery.

Horrible story.  Torturous story.  Worse than the full connection papers. More stress than Christmas. But now done with.

Day 7 - One Week

And two cats down.  Since my cats weight differing amounts (Set of Coleman Cat Weights) = {7,8,10,10,12,12,15,16} and the average Coleman cats (Coleman Cat Standard) = 11.25, I can express my weight loss with the Set of Cat Weights or Coleman Cat Standard.  Today, I have lost approximately 2 Standard Cats, or about 22 pounds since the beginning of the year.  At this rate, I'll be invisible before Autumn, so I don't think the rate will be constant.

Today's big accomplishment will be BOTH getting dressed and bathed on the same day. Yes, high and lofty goals.  By this afternoon, I want to get outside and walk around a little.  I've been walking the length of the house, touching the utility room door, going through the Den, down the hall, touch the back hall closet door, up the hall, through the Living/Dining Room, Kitchen and to the utility room.  3 and 4 times at a whack.  I feel like Pastor Gerbil running the Parsonage Habitrail.

I think I was a little optimistic about my recovery rate.  I anticipated bounding out of bed around Day 4, twirling batons and ribbons.  I was mistaken.  I haven't had any serious complications except I encountered some breathing problems end of Day 2 into Day 5 that meant that I had to take hits off an inhaler.  Blech.  My pulse/ox was not very good without O2 in the hospital and the O2 was so very dry.  I ended up with bloody noses and a cough.  You know, it hurts to cough when you've been stabbed in the stomach six times.  I would hold a pillow on the incisions and cough, but still see stars.

Other lofty goals today: email people about EOY reports, weed out the inbox, be compliant with the Dr's instructions about water, vitamins, protein and meals.
Big Stuff.  =o)

Day 6 after Sugery

I choose not to preach this morning - and probably a wise decision.  I'm hitting most of my goals:  drinking water, getting about 2/3 of my protein, getting my pills down, getting my vitamins and moving around.  However, I'm still not 100 percent when it comes to energy level.  By about 3:00 pm, I've hit a wall and have to go take a nap.

Tomorrow's big goal - to get completely dressed and get in ALL my protein.  Doesn't sound like much, but there it is.  it has occurred to me that I am a "recovering fat person" or "recovering obese person."  Food has always been my drug of choice - easier to eat your emotions than deal with them.  For that reason, I am always going to have dis-ease with food.  This is going to be a great tool to help with the disease, but I will ALWAYS be a fat person in recovery.

This was apparent several months ago to me - screamingly obvious when I had a deep struggle with a piece of cake.  Although it was small in volume, it won.  I lost.  And I will never ever really have power over food.  I can only depend on God to help me. I will tell you this - a fat person with an unhealthy fixation on food will indeed take candy from a baby.  And then search the stroller and diaper bag for more.

Day 5

I have made a big life-style change.  A decision that literally will stick with me the rest of my life.  On Jan 13, I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  It's taken me 15 years to get to this point, but I finally decided that my obesity was more life threatening than the surgery.

I started the journey in Nov 2011 when I attended an information seminar from Floyd Baratrics.  I pursued the idea of the surgery with fits and starts until I got serious in July 2013.  I just had enough with the weight.  By the time I started the two week pre-op diet Jan 1 (propitious day, eh?), I weighed the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life.  I lost 8 pounds.  I have lost an additional 11 as of this morning, making it a 19 pound weight loss.  I'm OK with that - I'm not feeling like it's "real" yet, until I see it stay off and I get down another 27 pounds.  I don't know why, but that weight will make it seem "real."

The surgery was more intense than I anticipated.  I guess I'm a "pie in the sky" kind of person.  The recovery is taking longer than I wanted - which makes me mad which makes me push which makes me overextend -- and I end up worse than if I hadn't pushed.

Link Love

Autopsy of a Deceased Church.
Perfectionism in Ministry
Three Ways To Live On Mission
How Many Hours Must A Pastor Work
The Gifts of Being
5 Type of Sermon Illustrations

Dreams

I had one of *those dreams* again yesterday.  It was so vivid at the time, but like all it's brethren  it starts to fade in my memory after a while.  I dreamt I was in the parsonage, on the carport, cleaning and gardening (my two most common activities right now.)   The local kids were hanging around, as they are wont to do.  The weather started to turn - this area is the worst in Georgia for tornados. The kids ran down to the ditch at the bottom of the driveway and laid down.  I yelled and screamed for them to come inside either the parsonage or church for shelter, but to no avail.  I barely got inside to lay on the kitchen floor before it hit.  The wind was so strong, it moved me around on the floor of the kitchen.  I was able to get the door shut but to keep it shut for my safety and the safety of the kids and cats, I had to lock it.  The kids in the neighborhood had no way to get in - and I was incredibly sad at this.  I was able to take refuge under my desk.

Yesterday, the dream seemed so real that I wondered at the state of the house and yard.  I kept expecting it to be covered with storm debris.  I had dreamt that the roof was partially ripped off and that much of the house was soaked with water - and was surprised to get to the kitchen yesterday and find it OK.

I know what my dream probably means.  And it makes me sad.  The power of God moves through - the justice and righteousness of God is like the power of the tornado.  Shelter and safety are offered, but not all take advantage of it.  I know that's one meaning.  Sitting with it today.