Where to start?
My group is small -- we have 5 students, on Supervisor in Training and one Supervisor. For those who don't know how CPE is run, we have lots of meetings -- a staff meeting for the Chaplaincy program, a Didactic meeting (teaching us something useful to know), a Verbatim meeting where two people present per week and the Interpersonal Relationship meeting where we talk together unstructured. Each meeting last 2 to 2 and a half hours. That's about 8 to 10 hours of meetings a week, depending. Then there is time spent on the floor -- I have the first floor, Teri. We also have some time for writing reflection papers and doing charting and paperwork.
My group is rather diverse. Two of us are from Children's and three are from St. Joe's across the street. It is very interesting to hear the ways our experiences are the same and different and to compare the differences in the hospital culture.
Children's is very nurturing -- but a death here is very intense. They don't occur that often, to be quite honest, but they pack a real punch.
OK short of time.
Best part this week?
I've made friends with Dr. Pucci from here.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
ugh.
too much hospital food has given me a tummy ache.
I'm up and wandering around b/c of said tummy ache.
Ugh.
I'm bringing "groceries" to the hospital next week -- Healthy Choices and yogurt. It's GOT to be better than the hospital food.
Also, I'm going to tone the clothing down. Or rather brighten it up. I didn't realize how much black clothing I own. I already feel like the "Angel of Death" (thanks for the term RevAbi) -- the nurses on the units see me and say "who is it??" Well, there are days/nights when I'm just on a walk-about. Just because I'm there doesn't mean that someone is doing badly .... I think that all the black adds to that "undertaker" feeling.
So, I'm wearing Lime Green, Steel Blue and Peach next week. Not all together, though, that would be painful for the eyes.
I've started counting the days left -- is that a bad thing? (14 down with 3 overnights - exactly 40 with 7 overnighters left to go. 26.56% done.)
Now to finish preparing for the Communion service....
I'm up and wandering around b/c of said tummy ache.
Ugh.
I'm bringing "groceries" to the hospital next week -- Healthy Choices and yogurt. It's GOT to be better than the hospital food.
Also, I'm going to tone the clothing down. Or rather brighten it up. I didn't realize how much black clothing I own. I already feel like the "Angel of Death" (thanks for the term RevAbi) -- the nurses on the units see me and say "who is it??" Well, there are days/nights when I'm just on a walk-about. Just because I'm there doesn't mean that someone is doing badly .... I think that all the black adds to that "undertaker" feeling.
So, I'm wearing Lime Green, Steel Blue and Peach next week. Not all together, though, that would be painful for the eyes.
I've started counting the days left -- is that a bad thing? (14 down with 3 overnights - exactly 40 with 7 overnighters left to go. 26.56% done.)
Now to finish preparing for the Communion service....
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Wednesday Again
And I'm on-call.
I'm learning the routine. Like:
1) if you have a $5.00 voucher for dinner and you don't use it up -- buy some fruit or a pop-tart for later.
2) hospital cafeteria food = boring after a while.
3) the ice cream machine is good.
4) get your sheets/blankets/towels BEFORE nightfall and especially before 3:00 am. That is, if you WANT sheets/blankets/towels. Last week I ended up with two flat sheets and 6 washclothes.
5) change your shoes after 24 hours.
6) take care of your feet. Your feet are your friends.
7) pace yourself.
8) don't sweat the prayer service.
9) lonely kids like the company.
10) I'm no good at Battleship anymore.
11) sleep when it offers itself to you.
I'm going to finish preparing the prayer service.
I'm learning the routine. Like:
1) if you have a $5.00 voucher for dinner and you don't use it up -- buy some fruit or a pop-tart for later.
2) hospital cafeteria food = boring after a while.
3) the ice cream machine is good.
4) get your sheets/blankets/towels BEFORE nightfall and especially before 3:00 am. That is, if you WANT sheets/blankets/towels. Last week I ended up with two flat sheets and 6 washclothes.
5) change your shoes after 24 hours.
6) take care of your feet. Your feet are your friends.
7) pace yourself.
8) don't sweat the prayer service.
9) lonely kids like the company.
10) I'm no good at Battleship anymore.
11) sleep when it offers itself to you.
I'm going to finish preparing the prayer service.
Monday, June 19, 2006
As a Followup
to the fever from my MMR, I went to the Doctor today. I have a headache -- he sees me looking at him all squinty-eyed and says "have you ever had migraines before?" Well, duh! I thought I had left them behind. I haven't had any since I had kids (a little backwards I know...)
He asks, "Have you had any unusual amounts of stress recently?" I started to giggle.
"As compared to what? What's a usual amount of stress? Gee, does CPE count?"
Unusual amounts of stress, indeed.
note: OK, is it "a usual"? or "an usual"? Doesn't "an usual" sound a lot like the word unusual?
He asks, "Have you had any unusual amounts of stress recently?" I started to giggle.
"As compared to what? What's a usual amount of stress? Gee, does CPE count?"
Unusual amounts of stress, indeed.
note: OK, is it "a usual"? or "an usual"? Doesn't "an usual" sound a lot like the word unusual?
Friday, June 16, 2006
Uhm.
I'm home today, so I'm reading blogs. Or so I thought I would. Except that when I checked my bloglines (229 feeds) I realized that I haven't done it in about 3 and a half weeks. I have more than 7000 entries to read. Gah! Would it be a sin to just start all over (zero out the counters)? Y'all have to stop writing so much....
Point of Information
IF (as an adult) you have to get an MMR because you are working at a Children's Hospital or school or whatever, be aware that there might be serious side-effects. I got my MMR almost 2 weeks ago. I now have a fever of 102 and am stiff all over. I'm missing a day of CPE and resting. Thankfully, I don't have to go back until Monday. I hope this all clears up before then.
I am enjoying CPE enormously. DLK is a kind and gentle person and her butt-kicking is of the kind and gentle type. The work is wonderful. My group is wonderful. This hospital is wonderful. I'm going to miss it come August. It has been a very affirming experience.
I am enjoying CPE enormously. DLK is a kind and gentle person and her butt-kicking is of the kind and gentle type. The work is wonderful. My group is wonderful. This hospital is wonderful. I'm going to miss it come August. It has been a very affirming experience.
RevGal Friday Five -- for the first time
In light of the last posting, I'm doing the Friday Five.
1. In what kind of environment do you sleep best? (e.g. amount of light and noise, temperature, number of pillows, breathe-right strip, sleeping in the buff, etc.) My own bed. Now. One extra-firm, extra loft pillow, clean sheets, one blanket, one pillow, dark, quiet, ceiling fan on, tee-shirt, cool.
2. How much sleep do you need to feel consistently well-rested? More than I'm getting now. About 8 to 9 hours.
How much can you get by on? I'm getting by on about 4 on the weeekdays and MUCH more on weekends.
What are the consequences when you don't get enough? Grumpy, headache.
3. Night owl or morning person? Night owl, most definitely.
4. Favorite cure for insomnia. In this order: midnight walk followed by a sit on the front porch, warm milk, hot bath while drinking lots of fluids, relaxation techniques, Ambien.
5. To snooze or not to snooze? Why or why not? Yes, power napping is FANTASTIC. Laying down for 10 to 20 minutes can help a lot. NEVER more than a half an hour because I just become grumpier.
The most important thing I've learned: dehydration can cause insominia. If you are having problems falling asleep, it might be a symptom of dehydration. Drink lots of water. Yes, you may have to get up and go to the bathroom, but that's better than having to stay up all night. Also, use the 30 minutes before going to bed to slow down -- I use prayer. Sit in a quiet, dark place (no TV) and use the time to pray and think about the good things that have happened during the day. DO NOT start worrying about tomorrow. There's time for that later. Just be grateful for the good stuff.
1. In what kind of environment do you sleep best? (e.g. amount of light and noise, temperature, number of pillows, breathe-right strip, sleeping in the buff, etc.) My own bed. Now. One extra-firm, extra loft pillow, clean sheets, one blanket, one pillow, dark, quiet, ceiling fan on, tee-shirt, cool.
2. How much sleep do you need to feel consistently well-rested? More than I'm getting now. About 8 to 9 hours.
How much can you get by on? I'm getting by on about 4 on the weeekdays and MUCH more on weekends.
What are the consequences when you don't get enough? Grumpy, headache.
3. Night owl or morning person? Night owl, most definitely.
4. Favorite cure for insomnia. In this order: midnight walk followed by a sit on the front porch, warm milk, hot bath while drinking lots of fluids, relaxation techniques, Ambien.
5. To snooze or not to snooze? Why or why not? Yes, power napping is FANTASTIC. Laying down for 10 to 20 minutes can help a lot. NEVER more than a half an hour because I just become grumpier.
The most important thing I've learned: dehydration can cause insominia. If you are having problems falling asleep, it might be a symptom of dehydration. Drink lots of water. Yes, you may have to get up and go to the bathroom, but that's better than having to stay up all night. Also, use the 30 minutes before going to bed to slow down -- I use prayer. Sit in a quiet, dark place (no TV) and use the time to pray and think about the good things that have happened during the day. DO NOT start worrying about tomorrow. There's time for that later. Just be grateful for the good stuff.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Evening Prayer
I do my second all-night shift tonight. Since it's Wednesday, I get to also do evening prayer in the Chapel which is broadcast into all the rooms. (!)
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness; let the whole earth tremble before him.
Psalm 96:9
O God, make speed to save us.
O Lord, make haste to help us.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
O Gracious Light Phos hilaron
O gracious light,
pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,
O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed!
Now as we come to the setting of the sun,
and our eyes behold the vesper light,
we sing your praises, O God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
You are worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,
O Son of God, O Giver of Life,
and to be glorified through all the worlds.
Luke 1:46-55
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior; *
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed: *
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him *
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm, *
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, *
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things, *
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel, *
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
The promise he made to our fathers, *
to Abraham and his children for ever.
Suffrages A
Show us your mercy, O Lord;
And grant us your salvation.
Clothe your ministers with righteousness;
Let your people sing with joy.
Give peace, O Lord, in all the world;
For only in you can we live in safety.
Lord, keep this nation under your care;
And guide us in the way of justice and truth.
Let your way be known upon earth;
Your saving health among all nations.
Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten;
Nor the hope of the poor be taken away.
Create in us clean hearts, O God;
And sustain us with your Holy Spirit.
O God, the life of all who live, the light of the faithful, the strength of those who labor, We thank you for the blessings of the day that is past, and humbly ask for your protection through the coming night. Bring us in safety to the morning hours.
O God our creator, you have blessed us and given us dominion over all the earth: Increase our reverence before the mystery of life; and give us new insight into your purposes, and new wisdom and determination in making provision for its future in accordance with your will.
Almighty and eternal God, so draw our hearts to you, so guide our minds, so fill our imaginations, so control our wills, that we may be wholly yours, utterly dedicated unto you; and then use us, we pray you, as you will, and always to your glory and the welfare of your people;
Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness; let the whole earth tremble before him.
Psalm 96:9
O God, make speed to save us.
O Lord, make haste to help us.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
O Gracious Light Phos hilaron
O gracious light,
pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,
O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed!
Now as we come to the setting of the sun,
and our eyes behold the vesper light,
we sing your praises, O God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
You are worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,
O Son of God, O Giver of Life,
and to be glorified through all the worlds.
Luke 1:46-55
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior; *
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed: *
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him *
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm, *
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, *
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things, *
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel, *
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
The promise he made to our fathers, *
to Abraham and his children for ever.
Suffrages A
Show us your mercy, O Lord;
And grant us your salvation.
Clothe your ministers with righteousness;
Let your people sing with joy.
Give peace, O Lord, in all the world;
For only in you can we live in safety.
Lord, keep this nation under your care;
And guide us in the way of justice and truth.
Let your way be known upon earth;
Your saving health among all nations.
Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten;
Nor the hope of the poor be taken away.
Create in us clean hearts, O God;
And sustain us with your Holy Spirit.
O God, the life of all who live, the light of the faithful, the strength of those who labor, We thank you for the blessings of the day that is past, and humbly ask for your protection through the coming night. Bring us in safety to the morning hours.
O God our creator, you have blessed us and given us dominion over all the earth: Increase our reverence before the mystery of life; and give us new insight into your purposes, and new wisdom and determination in making provision for its future in accordance with your will.
Almighty and eternal God, so draw our hearts to you, so guide our minds, so fill our imaginations, so control our wills, that we may be wholly yours, utterly dedicated unto you; and then use us, we pray you, as you will, and always to your glory and the welfare of your people;
Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Two Things
An article here. An interview about Bunny John and Wes and Beth Quick and ME!
Second, as I was visiting around this week, I was so very diligent about washing my hands. I also use the squirty-stuff that you can find near the doors of the rooms. I had just squirted some of the foam into my hands and was rubbing it in as I entered a room. The kid and I chatted a while about the usual: Cartoon Network, Board Games (this time Hungry Hungry Hippos) and whatnot. I asked if he had seen the clowns today or if the Child Life person had come by with something entertaining -- his eyes lit up and he started talking about the visiting puppies. He loved the puppies. He knows we disinfect everything, so as we finished up talking about the puppies, he asked me a question that caught me by surprise -- he asked, "How do you sterilize puppies?"
My first response that I did not go with -- "With about $150 and a very sharp knife."
But I said, "Gee, I don't know!"
Then I started to think. How DO you disinfect puppies? Disinfecting wipes? Autoclave? I don't know!
Inquiring minds want to know.....
Second, as I was visiting around this week, I was so very diligent about washing my hands. I also use the squirty-stuff that you can find near the doors of the rooms. I had just squirted some of the foam into my hands and was rubbing it in as I entered a room. The kid and I chatted a while about the usual: Cartoon Network, Board Games (this time Hungry Hungry Hippos) and whatnot. I asked if he had seen the clowns today or if the Child Life person had come by with something entertaining -- his eyes lit up and he started talking about the visiting puppies. He loved the puppies. He knows we disinfect everything, so as we finished up talking about the puppies, he asked me a question that caught me by surprise -- he asked, "How do you sterilize puppies?"
My first response that I did not go with -- "With about $150 and a very sharp knife."
But I said, "Gee, I don't know!"
Then I started to think. How DO you disinfect puppies? Disinfecting wipes? Autoclave? I don't know!
Inquiring minds want to know.....
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Song that Always Make Me Cry
I was there to hear your borning cry,
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
I was there when you were but a child,
with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off
to find where demons dwell.
When you heard the wonder of the Word
I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord,
to whom you now belong.
If you find someone to share your time
and you join your hearts as one,
I'll be there to make your verses rhyme
from dusk 'till rising sun.
In the middle ages of your life,
not too old, no longer young,
I'll be there to guide you through the night,
complete what I've begun.
When the evening gently closes in,
and you shut your weary eyes,
I'll be there as I have always been
with just one more surprise.
I was there to hear your borning cry,
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
I was there when you were but a child,
with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off
to find where demons dwell.
When you heard the wonder of the Word
I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord,
to whom you now belong.
If you find someone to share your time
and you join your hearts as one,
I'll be there to make your verses rhyme
from dusk 'till rising sun.
In the middle ages of your life,
not too old, no longer young,
I'll be there to guide you through the night,
complete what I've begun.
When the evening gently closes in,
and you shut your weary eyes,
I'll be there as I have always been
with just one more surprise.
I was there to hear your borning cry,
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
End of Week One
More stuff:
The hot-spots at the hospital are not easy to find.
The computers in the medical library are very slow.
I miss the internet.
Missing the internet might be good for me.
A 28 hour shift is a very long shift. Long. Very.
Sleeping on that sofa-thingy is difficult. Especially when I keep thinking I'm going to miss the beeper going off.
Ministry at the hospital is very immediate. And most of the time very rewarding.
I love hospital visits for this reason.
I LOVE the ice-cream machine and the Icee machine.
I love the Koi pond, the clowns, the therapy animals (esp the puppies and kittens) and the Child-Life people.
I'm finding that I miss the continued relationships with people. My supervisor explained that it's like floating around in a Movie Multiplex. You enter into the movie already in progress -- you stay for a few minutes, just long enough to get a grasp on the plot and to meet the main characters and then you float out to go watch a few minutes of another movie. I make a connection/relationship and I never find out the resolution. This is difficult.
I'm missing the blogosphere -- especially the handful of blogs I read every day. I miss rlp's chat room. I miss watching the news. Next time I over-night it, I've GOT to find the hot-spots.....
The hot-spots at the hospital are not easy to find.
The computers in the medical library are very slow.
I miss the internet.
Missing the internet might be good for me.
A 28 hour shift is a very long shift. Long. Very.
Sleeping on that sofa-thingy is difficult. Especially when I keep thinking I'm going to miss the beeper going off.
Ministry at the hospital is very immediate. And most of the time very rewarding.
I love hospital visits for this reason.
I LOVE the ice-cream machine and the Icee machine.
I love the Koi pond, the clowns, the therapy animals (esp the puppies and kittens) and the Child-Life people.
I'm finding that I miss the continued relationships with people. My supervisor explained that it's like floating around in a Movie Multiplex. You enter into the movie already in progress -- you stay for a few minutes, just long enough to get a grasp on the plot and to meet the main characters and then you float out to go watch a few minutes of another movie. I make a connection/relationship and I never find out the resolution. This is difficult.
I'm missing the blogosphere -- especially the handful of blogs I read every day. I miss rlp's chat room. I miss watching the news. Next time I over-night it, I've GOT to find the hot-spots.....
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
More Learnings from CPE Week One
9) my group is wonderful.
10) my supervisor is wonderful.
11) I need a better jacket with pockets.
12) Hospital food is not as bad as I remembered.
13) The staff at Scottish Rite is wonderful.
14) Some kids are scared of clowns.
15) Most all kids LOVE animals.
16) Happy Tails, the clowns and the Child Life people make a hospital stay for a kid almost tolerable.
17) I babble when I'm very tired.....
10) my supervisor is wonderful.
11) I need a better jacket with pockets.
12) Hospital food is not as bad as I remembered.
13) The staff at Scottish Rite is wonderful.
14) Some kids are scared of clowns.
15) Most all kids LOVE animals.
16) Happy Tails, the clowns and the Child Life people make a hospital stay for a kid almost tolerable.
17) I babble when I'm very tired.....
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Learnings from CPE -- Week One
1) Atlanta traffic is horrible.
2) Scottish Rite is a 2 hour commute away because number one.
3) I can download sermons onto the iPod and play them on the road.
4) I like the routine of an eight hour day. I had forgotten that.
5) Orientation classes are ... orientation classes.
6) Visiting with kids and parents is a LOT more rewarding than orientation classes.
7) I look forward with holy fear and trembling my first 30 hour shift.
8) There's not much time for blogging....
2) Scottish Rite is a 2 hour commute away because number one.
3) I can download sermons onto the iPod and play them on the road.
4) I like the routine of an eight hour day. I had forgotten that.
5) Orientation classes are ... orientation classes.
6) Visiting with kids and parents is a LOT more rewarding than orientation classes.
7) I look forward with holy fear and trembling my first 30 hour shift.
8) There's not much time for blogging....
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Morning Prayer
Rising in darkness,
let us all keep watching
let psalms provide our source of meditation
And sing with all our strength
hymns of adoration
to our Creator bring.
O LORD, you are my portion and my cup;
it is you who uphold my lot.
My boundaries enclose a pleasant land;
indeed, I have a goodly heritage.
I will bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
my heart teaches me, night after night.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand I shall not fall.
My heart, therefore, is glad, and my spirit rejoices;
my body also shall rest in hope.
Dearest Lord, you are the source of every good gift. You created this world and called it good. God -- it is so easy for me to reflect on the things that are not good -- things that go wrong. It is easy for me to become frustrated and anxious. Lord, I give you my anxiety and ask that you ease my frustrations. Help me rest in my blessings and be at peace. Help me to be content with the pleasant land and the goodly heritage you have given me.
Lord, give me a heart for those who do without. Use me to your ends, God and help me to become a blessing for them. I pray for those who suffer illness, who cannot do for themselves. I pray for the parents of children who do not flourish. Comfort them. I pray for those whose employment is uncertain. Sustain them. I pray for those whose hearts have no ease. Soothe them with your presence. I pray for those who are homeless. Grant them the security they so desperately need. I pray for those who have lost loved ones in a storm's fury. Ease their pain and grant them peace.
God our Father, you see my children -- our children -- growing up in an unsteady and confusing world, full of things that can harm them yet tempt them. Show my children that your ways give more life than the ways of the world, show them the path that will preserve them. Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start. Give them strength to hold their faith in you, and to keep alive their joy in your creation. Watch over my children as they are away from me today and bring them safely home, just as you will bring us all safely home to you. I pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
let us all keep watching
let psalms provide our source of meditation
And sing with all our strength
hymns of adoration
to our Creator bring.
O LORD, you are my portion and my cup;
it is you who uphold my lot.
My boundaries enclose a pleasant land;
indeed, I have a goodly heritage.
I will bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
my heart teaches me, night after night.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand I shall not fall.
My heart, therefore, is glad, and my spirit rejoices;
my body also shall rest in hope.
Dearest Lord, you are the source of every good gift. You created this world and called it good. God -- it is so easy for me to reflect on the things that are not good -- things that go wrong. It is easy for me to become frustrated and anxious. Lord, I give you my anxiety and ask that you ease my frustrations. Help me rest in my blessings and be at peace. Help me to be content with the pleasant land and the goodly heritage you have given me.
Lord, give me a heart for those who do without. Use me to your ends, God and help me to become a blessing for them. I pray for those who suffer illness, who cannot do for themselves. I pray for the parents of children who do not flourish. Comfort them. I pray for those whose employment is uncertain. Sustain them. I pray for those whose hearts have no ease. Soothe them with your presence. I pray for those who are homeless. Grant them the security they so desperately need. I pray for those who have lost loved ones in a storm's fury. Ease their pain and grant them peace.
God our Father, you see my children -- our children -- growing up in an unsteady and confusing world, full of things that can harm them yet tempt them. Show my children that your ways give more life than the ways of the world, show them the path that will preserve them. Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start. Give them strength to hold their faith in you, and to keep alive their joy in your creation. Watch over my children as they are away from me today and bring them safely home, just as you will bring us all safely home to you. I pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Last Road Trip
It is the 5th anniversary of my mother's death -- or at least it was on May 28. This is for Mama.
My mother was really big into genealogy. I start to understand now that I have turned 40. I reach out for connections to the past as I search of a sense of heritage, of who I am and from where I came and by doing so I somehow reach into the future. It is a basic urge of humans to want to make a mark on this world, to leave a heritage, to know that we exist and know that we were.
My mother was really big into road trips. We would pack up in the car and visit cemeteries. Many of my relatives are buried in perpetual care cemeteries, but most are not. On Decoration Day (or Confederate Memorial Day) we would take rakes and plastic bags and clean up the graves of Mama’s grandparents in Marietta. In the last few years, we fell out of the habit of doing this, and now I don’t think that I could find most of these cemeteries.
Not too long ago, when Entropy was a baby and Chaos a toddler, my mother and I took the girls and her cousin Norma on what was to be our last road trip. We took back roads and twisty country lanes and ended up at a cemetery that had fallen into almost complete disrepair. Norma and my little family were the last descendents of this branch. In fact, neither my mother nor I am directly related -- it is a collateral line. Norma was the absolute last descendent. She did not have children that I know of and since she died a few years ago, I am certain I will never find this graveyard again. The last burial from Norma’s family was done in the 1870’s, however the latest stone dated from the 1950’s.
When we got there, after winding through the North Georgia mountains, we exited the car into a cool mist. It was a dank and gray November morning, the roads slick with moisture. The mountain laurel was dark and dripping wet and the woods up the hill were forbidding. Everything was brown or black except for the slash of road up the hill glowing red from the Georgia red clay. Someone had recently laid “crush and run” on the road and installed a chain with a lock across the road. Norma and I decided to go up the hill and leave my mother and the girls in my car. We began to trudge up the hill into deep woods. After a while the road gave way to a small path and branches started to slap us in the face as we climbed. It wasn’t very far -- maybe 1/2 mile, but I felt that I was entering an ancient and primeval forest. The feel of the woods was not benign. We reached the top of the hill and both Norma and I were surprised. The last pictures of the hill that Norma’s family had taken were on a Decoration Day in the 20’s. In the ensuing 90 years or so, the woods had taken over. The sunny hilltop in the black and white photographs had been completely reclaimed by the mountains. The graves beyond the little fence, down the hill had been slightly better taken care of. Many of the stones had toppled and were unreadable. More were just missing. Later Norma and I found out that some of the locals had been taking the large polished slabs of granite and marble and laying them out as paths, carved side down, in the local church graveyard. The stones were being recycled.
I felt a strange sadness as I learned this. I ached for the people I never knew, never loved, never mourned and now I would never know their names or where they were buried. Norma and I saw the ghost of writing on a large slab of stone, but could not read it. We decided to hold the stone up to the light to see if we could get the weak November sun to cast a better shadow. As we lifted the stone up, we disturbed a bed of scorpions. They skittered over the stone and our hands. We both screamed and jumped back, dropping the stone and shattering it into several big chunks. I stepped back onto another grave and my left leg went in up to my knee. I pulled myself out and peered into the hole I had made, but couldn’t see anything. Oddly enough, I wasn’t spooked at the time, but on later reflection I realize that this is the sort of stuff that Hollywood loves to use in movies. It just seemed cold and dirty at the time. Norma and I gave up after 30 minutes or so. We could not find a single grave that had not been ruined by the ravages of man or weather.
There are passages in Ecclesiastes that remind me of this last road trip. The vague sadness I felt as I saw the forgotten graveyard are echoed in the words:
“For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing,
they have no further reward
and even the memory of them is forgotten.
Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.” Eccl 9:5-6
Norma and I made our way slowly down the hill, holding hands, slipping and sliding. We didn’t fall into any more graves, although we did see a large stand of Lady’s Slippers, blooming late in the fall and some beautiful tripartite trillium. By the time we reached the car, we were warmed by our walk, the sun had broken through the trees and the fog was being burned off in the gentle rays of the sun. My mother had a tape in the radio singing with the girls “You are my Sunshine” and had poured coffee for Norma and myself. I loved and was loved, and it was enough.
“Go, eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun -- all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might for in the grave where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.” Eccl 9:7-10
I read these words differently now. My mother, my husband's mother, his grandfather, my grandmother: they have all died since I wrote these words. I sit now and remember them and I remember the love they had for me and I give thanks that I had them in my life -- and one day I'll find that graveyard and show the girls and let them join in that love and those memories.
My mother was really big into genealogy. I start to understand now that I have turned 40. I reach out for connections to the past as I search of a sense of heritage, of who I am and from where I came and by doing so I somehow reach into the future. It is a basic urge of humans to want to make a mark on this world, to leave a heritage, to know that we exist and know that we were.
My mother was really big into road trips. We would pack up in the car and visit cemeteries. Many of my relatives are buried in perpetual care cemeteries, but most are not. On Decoration Day (or Confederate Memorial Day) we would take rakes and plastic bags and clean up the graves of Mama’s grandparents in Marietta. In the last few years, we fell out of the habit of doing this, and now I don’t think that I could find most of these cemeteries.
Not too long ago, when Entropy was a baby and Chaos a toddler, my mother and I took the girls and her cousin Norma on what was to be our last road trip. We took back roads and twisty country lanes and ended up at a cemetery that had fallen into almost complete disrepair. Norma and my little family were the last descendents of this branch. In fact, neither my mother nor I am directly related -- it is a collateral line. Norma was the absolute last descendent. She did not have children that I know of and since she died a few years ago, I am certain I will never find this graveyard again. The last burial from Norma’s family was done in the 1870’s, however the latest stone dated from the 1950’s.
When we got there, after winding through the North Georgia mountains, we exited the car into a cool mist. It was a dank and gray November morning, the roads slick with moisture. The mountain laurel was dark and dripping wet and the woods up the hill were forbidding. Everything was brown or black except for the slash of road up the hill glowing red from the Georgia red clay. Someone had recently laid “crush and run” on the road and installed a chain with a lock across the road. Norma and I decided to go up the hill and leave my mother and the girls in my car. We began to trudge up the hill into deep woods. After a while the road gave way to a small path and branches started to slap us in the face as we climbed. It wasn’t very far -- maybe 1/2 mile, but I felt that I was entering an ancient and primeval forest. The feel of the woods was not benign. We reached the top of the hill and both Norma and I were surprised. The last pictures of the hill that Norma’s family had taken were on a Decoration Day in the 20’s. In the ensuing 90 years or so, the woods had taken over. The sunny hilltop in the black and white photographs had been completely reclaimed by the mountains. The graves beyond the little fence, down the hill had been slightly better taken care of. Many of the stones had toppled and were unreadable. More were just missing. Later Norma and I found out that some of the locals had been taking the large polished slabs of granite and marble and laying them out as paths, carved side down, in the local church graveyard. The stones were being recycled.
I felt a strange sadness as I learned this. I ached for the people I never knew, never loved, never mourned and now I would never know their names or where they were buried. Norma and I saw the ghost of writing on a large slab of stone, but could not read it. We decided to hold the stone up to the light to see if we could get the weak November sun to cast a better shadow. As we lifted the stone up, we disturbed a bed of scorpions. They skittered over the stone and our hands. We both screamed and jumped back, dropping the stone and shattering it into several big chunks. I stepped back onto another grave and my left leg went in up to my knee. I pulled myself out and peered into the hole I had made, but couldn’t see anything. Oddly enough, I wasn’t spooked at the time, but on later reflection I realize that this is the sort of stuff that Hollywood loves to use in movies. It just seemed cold and dirty at the time. Norma and I gave up after 30 minutes or so. We could not find a single grave that had not been ruined by the ravages of man or weather.
There are passages in Ecclesiastes that remind me of this last road trip. The vague sadness I felt as I saw the forgotten graveyard are echoed in the words:
“For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing,
they have no further reward
and even the memory of them is forgotten.
Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.” Eccl 9:5-6
Norma and I made our way slowly down the hill, holding hands, slipping and sliding. We didn’t fall into any more graves, although we did see a large stand of Lady’s Slippers, blooming late in the fall and some beautiful tripartite trillium. By the time we reached the car, we were warmed by our walk, the sun had broken through the trees and the fog was being burned off in the gentle rays of the sun. My mother had a tape in the radio singing with the girls “You are my Sunshine” and had poured coffee for Norma and myself. I loved and was loved, and it was enough.
“Go, eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun -- all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might for in the grave where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.” Eccl 9:7-10
I read these words differently now. My mother, my husband's mother, his grandfather, my grandmother: they have all died since I wrote these words. I sit now and remember them and I remember the love they had for me and I give thanks that I had them in my life -- and one day I'll find that graveyard and show the girls and let them join in that love and those memories.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Newness
I am starting new things ... and handing over old things.
I have been accepted in a CPE program at Scottish Rite Hospital this summer ... starting tomorrow.
We have found a really good babysitter for the kids (although it's really more for entertainment value than childcare.)
The family and I are going to take a couple long weekends at the beach, rather than one full week. The girls are going to have music lessons this summer -- guitar and piano (Entropy wants to play the drums ... I think we'll wait for next year!). We are going to clean a little every day, instead of marathon cleaning once a month/semester. We are giving up popsicles for yogurt. We are going to eat more fish and vegetables. Fruit instead of sweets. Big changes.
Today we are going shopping for clothing for me that looks more "business casual" than "seminary student."
It's an inbetween place/time for us all. Both exciting and anxious.
I have been accepted in a CPE program at Scottish Rite Hospital this summer ... starting tomorrow.
We have found a really good babysitter for the kids (although it's really more for entertainment value than childcare.)
The family and I are going to take a couple long weekends at the beach, rather than one full week. The girls are going to have music lessons this summer -- guitar and piano (Entropy wants to play the drums ... I think we'll wait for next year!). We are going to clean a little every day, instead of marathon cleaning once a month/semester. We are giving up popsicles for yogurt. We are going to eat more fish and vegetables. Fruit instead of sweets. Big changes.
Today we are going shopping for clothing for me that looks more "business casual" than "seminary student."
It's an inbetween place/time for us all. Both exciting and anxious.
Monday, May 29, 2006
A Prayer for Pentecost
O Spirit of the living God, Thou light and fire divine,
Descend upon Thy church once more, and make it truly Thine.
Fill it with love and joy and power, with righteousness and peace;
Till Christ shall dwell in human hearts, and sin and sorrow cease.
Blow, wind of God! With wisdom blow until our minds are free
From mists of errors, clouds of doubt, which blind our eyes to Thee.
Burn, winged fire! Inspire our lips with flaming love and zeal,
To preach to all Thy great good news, God’s glorious common weal.
-- Henry H. Tweedy
When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.
Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. And at this sound the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. Amazed and astonished, they asked, ‘Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? Parthians, Medes, Elamites, and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabs—in our own languages we hear them speaking about God’s deeds of power.’ All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, ‘What does this mean?’ But others sneered and said, ‘They are filled with new wine.’
--Acts 2 1-13
Breathe on us God
Let the violence of your Spirit sweep among us and
Make us discontent.
Fill our churches with the overwhelming sound
Of your rushing wind -- your ruah.
Prepare us for the coming of your Spirit
Let us listen with anticipation the teachings of Jesus the Christ:
Make our hearts and minds be ready to receive
The blessing of the Holy Spirit,
Prepare us to be filled with the strength of his presence
Breathe on us God
Prepare us for the coming of your Kingdom
A perfect kingdom where no sword is drawn but
The sword of righteousness,
A perfect kingdom where no strength known but
The strength of love:
Breathe on this world your breath and so spread your Spirit,
So that everyone in the broken world may be gathered under
The banner of the Prince of Peace,
So that everyone in this broken world may be children of one Parent.
Breathe on us God
Prepare us for the perfecting of your Church.
Set up on fire for your Word.
Perfect us with a burning desire to do your will.
Let us speak to each person in this world
In language they will understand.
Fill us with all truth, in all truth with all peace.
Where your church is corrupt, purify it;
Where it is in error, direct it;
Where your church does not promote your kingdom, reform it.
Where it is right, strengthen it;
Where it is in want, provide for it;
Where it is divided, unite it;
We pray in the name of Jesus Christ your Son our Savior. Amen.
Descend upon Thy church once more, and make it truly Thine.
Fill it with love and joy and power, with righteousness and peace;
Till Christ shall dwell in human hearts, and sin and sorrow cease.
Blow, wind of God! With wisdom blow until our minds are free
From mists of errors, clouds of doubt, which blind our eyes to Thee.
Burn, winged fire! Inspire our lips with flaming love and zeal,
To preach to all Thy great good news, God’s glorious common weal.
-- Henry H. Tweedy
When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.
Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. And at this sound the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. Amazed and astonished, they asked, ‘Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? Parthians, Medes, Elamites, and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabs—in our own languages we hear them speaking about God’s deeds of power.’ All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, ‘What does this mean?’ But others sneered and said, ‘They are filled with new wine.’
--Acts 2 1-13
Breathe on us God
Let the violence of your Spirit sweep among us and
Make us discontent.
Fill our churches with the overwhelming sound
Of your rushing wind -- your ruah.
Prepare us for the coming of your Spirit
Let us listen with anticipation the teachings of Jesus the Christ:
Make our hearts and minds be ready to receive
The blessing of the Holy Spirit,
Prepare us to be filled with the strength of his presence
Breathe on us God
Prepare us for the coming of your Kingdom
A perfect kingdom where no sword is drawn but
The sword of righteousness,
A perfect kingdom where no strength known but
The strength of love:
Breathe on this world your breath and so spread your Spirit,
So that everyone in the broken world may be gathered under
The banner of the Prince of Peace,
So that everyone in this broken world may be children of one Parent.
Breathe on us God
Prepare us for the perfecting of your Church.
Set up on fire for your Word.
Perfect us with a burning desire to do your will.
Let us speak to each person in this world
In language they will understand.
Fill us with all truth, in all truth with all peace.
Where your church is corrupt, purify it;
Where it is in error, direct it;
Where your church does not promote your kingdom, reform it.
Where it is right, strengthen it;
Where it is in want, provide for it;
Where it is divided, unite it;
We pray in the name of Jesus Christ your Son our Savior. Amen.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Things that make you go Hmmmm....
I've had rather picky tastes when it comes to teas for quite a while. I'm still looking for this facinating tea that I had a few years ago that had the most complex taste. It was a first flush Darjeeling -- a taste of muscatel, a hint of smokeiness, peaches and roses.
Now I discover there are gourmet salts. Yes, salts.
OK, I'm intrigued.
Now I discover there are gourmet salts. Yes, salts.
OK, I'm intrigued.
Thursday Poetry Blogging
Every year on the way to cut our christmas tree, my family passes a historical marker honoring the Poppy Lady. The red poppy was first introduced as a symbol of remembrance of memorial day by a university teacher, Miss Moina Michael. She graduated of Columbia University in the early 1900s and in 1918 was teaching at the Univeristy of Georgia. She was moved by the plight of young men leaving home, some of them her own students and volunteered for the Red Cross training at Columbia University. At 49 years of age it was decided that she was too old to go overseas to nurse the wounded and so she stayed for a while in New York at the YMCA to train others to go overseas in her stead.
On November 9, 1918, she sat with a cup of coffe to read the newspaper and read this poem.
In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Dr. John McCrae served as a doctor in the South African War as well as France. Although he was a battlefield surgeon for quite a while he noted that it was impossible to get used to the suffering, the screams, and the blood, and McCrae said he had seen and heard enough to last him a lifetime.
At Ypres he was to work around the clock for 17 days, snatching sleep where and when he could, but the wounded kept coming. "I wish I could embody on paper some of the varied sensations of that seventeen days... Seventeen days of Hades! At the end of the first day if anyone had told us we had to spend seventeen days there, we would have folded our hands and said it could not have been done."
On May 2, 1915 one death affected him more than all the others. A friend and former student, Lt. Alexis Helmer, had been killed that day and McCrae treated his wounds to no avail. Lt .Helmer was buried just outside of the field hospital in a cemetary that now stretches for acres and acres. McCrae had to perform the funeral ceremony because there was no chaplain.
The next day, there was a reprieve in the flow of the wounded to his station and he saw the wild poppies dancing in the wind in the ditches and among the graves and he wrote this poem. It was too painful for him to have it published himself and so another officer sent the poem to Punch and it was published in 1915.
Moina read the poem three years later in a New York paper, after McCrae had died from exhaustion and pneumonia while still serving his field hospital. She was moved by the poem. She felt that he passed the torch to her personally and described her experience as deeply spiritual. She felt called by the voices which had been silenced by death to remember. From then on, the Poppy Lady wore a poppy as a sign of remembrance and a symbol of "keeping the faith with all who died."
Perhaps you have a vet who sells the little paper poppies every year in your congregation. If you don't understand the meaning, it might be easy to dismiss him or brush him off as a bother. It doesn't matter if you support the war or not. Memorial day is a time to remember those who have died in the service of their country -- rightly or wrongly. It's a time to mourn the loss of loved ones who were pulled away by that service to die -- and to mourn that war is even possible in this sin-torn world of ours.
On November 9, 1918, she sat with a cup of coffe to read the newspaper and read this poem.
In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Dr. John McCrae served as a doctor in the South African War as well as France. Although he was a battlefield surgeon for quite a while he noted that it was impossible to get used to the suffering, the screams, and the blood, and McCrae said he had seen and heard enough to last him a lifetime.
At Ypres he was to work around the clock for 17 days, snatching sleep where and when he could, but the wounded kept coming. "I wish I could embody on paper some of the varied sensations of that seventeen days... Seventeen days of Hades! At the end of the first day if anyone had told us we had to spend seventeen days there, we would have folded our hands and said it could not have been done."
On May 2, 1915 one death affected him more than all the others. A friend and former student, Lt. Alexis Helmer, had been killed that day and McCrae treated his wounds to no avail. Lt .Helmer was buried just outside of the field hospital in a cemetary that now stretches for acres and acres. McCrae had to perform the funeral ceremony because there was no chaplain.
The next day, there was a reprieve in the flow of the wounded to his station and he saw the wild poppies dancing in the wind in the ditches and among the graves and he wrote this poem. It was too painful for him to have it published himself and so another officer sent the poem to Punch and it was published in 1915.
Moina read the poem three years later in a New York paper, after McCrae had died from exhaustion and pneumonia while still serving his field hospital. She was moved by the poem. She felt that he passed the torch to her personally and described her experience as deeply spiritual. She felt called by the voices which had been silenced by death to remember. From then on, the Poppy Lady wore a poppy as a sign of remembrance and a symbol of "keeping the faith with all who died."
Perhaps you have a vet who sells the little paper poppies every year in your congregation. If you don't understand the meaning, it might be easy to dismiss him or brush him off as a bother. It doesn't matter if you support the war or not. Memorial day is a time to remember those who have died in the service of their country -- rightly or wrongly. It's a time to mourn the loss of loved ones who were pulled away by that service to die -- and to mourn that war is even possible in this sin-torn world of ours.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)