Yesterday I watched a webinar concerning "Healthy Church Leaders."  The leader presented 13 key factors for Clergy Health.  I reproduce it here from a screen shot I took during the presentation.  (You too can find this presentation here.  One of the categories is "The Existential Burdens of Ministry."  This is defined as the minister"—carrying the weight of others’ emotional and spiritual burdens; overwhelmed by others’ needs and the importance of ministerial issues; expected to solve unsolvable mysteries." (You can find more here.)

Yep.  There you go.  That's it for me today.  Two funerals I want to attend, friends who carry large physical burdens of horrible diseases (several now), depressed people (several again), anxious people (ditto) and so forth.  I feel it today.  I need to release that energy and replenish the creative within me.

I find it interesting they determine all this but offer no solutions.  I suppose the solution is up to me. SO - today I am off to find my own unique solution of how to deal with all my Existential Burden of Ministy.

And then tonight I'll watch another webinar - Working Together for Healthy Clergy.  Let's see if this helps.

A Grouse

I don't know if I'm getting old or what.  It's not like I prefer traditional over everything else, but I'm getting tired of being castigated for liking traditional.  I'm tired of having the name "fuddy duddy" and "staid" and "stuffy" being thrown at me like clumps of sticky mud.

So I'm going to say it - I LIKE traditional.  I like traditional stuff, I like traditional worship, I like traditional dinner parties, I like traditional PTA meetings.  I like contemporary/current trends in all sorts of things, but I'm not willing to throw the traditional out the window just because something new comes along.

I like antiques and I like Ikea.  I think a person can like both - even in the same space.

So there.

EDITED: I used a politically charged phrase in the original post. I changed it.  I will blog more about exactly what I mean by "traditional stuff" tomorrow.  I did not mean what some of you thought I meant!  Peace!

Silence

Silence is not a bad thing.  I find myself yearning for more of it. Not just turning off the TV/radio/internet but deeper silence than that.  The other day the power went off and I realized that we are surrounded by noise of our own creation all the time and we don't even hear it.

I want a reprieve of all those things that are below our conscious level of hearing but are still there.  I want a reprieve from the voices that tell me to do more, do less, do differently, be here, be there, butt out, pay up.  I want to revel in that silence. I want to sit in that for a while, steep in it like a weird reverse teabag until I and the Other are as one. Perhaps it's more like I need to steep in the dye until He and I are one.

Stuff

Long time between blog postings.  I don't know where my blog-energy has gone to ... between Facebook, Twitter and games, there just isn't much time for blogging.

Anyway, I have been on a new kick - I have decided that the best way to change habits is to do one small habit a month.  Month before last, I decided that the one habit I needed to practice was to remember to wear my pedometer every single day.  I've done OK with it - only missing one or two days in three months.  I am now trying to add 100 steps a day every week.  Eventually I'll be at the 7000 steps that will earn me more Virgin Health Miles.

 Last month, I decided to really take care of my rosacea - to do the 20 minutes of care every night to try to get it healed up.  It's looking better; not healed, but better.  It's a boost to my self-esteem.  I finally feel I can go out into the world without wearing a half inch of makeup.

This month I have tried to get on a better sleep schedule.  This will also help the rosacea and my energy level - so that I *can* get a few more steps in everyday.

One small step at a time.

Project Order from Chaos helped change habits.  By making it a habit to examine all the things in my life (coffee cups to doo-dads to worn-out clothing), I realized I've changed my attitude toward material possessions. I no longer put worthless things aside "for later" especially since later never seems to come.

Well, that's it!

One Does not Simply

Morning Prayer - Psalm 78 and a Prayer of St. Augustine

Psalm 78

• ²³ God gave orders to the skies above,
• opened heaven’s doors,
• ²⁴ and rained manna on them so they could eat.
• He gave them the very grain of heaven!
• ²⁵ Each person ate the bread of the powerful ones;
• God sent provisions to satisfy them.
• ²⁶ God set the east wind moving across the skies
• and drove the south wind by his strength.
• ²⁷ He rained meat on them as if it were dust in the air;
• he rained as many birds as the sand on the seashore!
• ²⁸ God brought the birds down in the center of their camp,
• all around their dwellings.
• ²⁹ So they ate and were completely satisfied;
• God gave them exactly what they had craved.
• ³⁰ But they didn’t stop craving—
• even with the food still in their mouths!
• 
  

     Lord Jesus, Let Me Know Myself (Domine Iesu, Noverim me)

Lord Jesus, let me know myself and know Thee,
And desire nothing save only Thee.
Let me hate myself and love Thee.
Let me do everything for the sake of Thee.
Let me humble myself and exalt Thee.
Let me think of nothing except Thee.
Let me die to myself and live in Thee.
Let me accept whatever happens as from Thee.
Let me banish self and follow Thee,
And ever desire to follow Thee.
Let me fly from myself and take refuge in Thee,
That I may deserve to be defended by Thee.
Let me fear for myself, let me fear Thee,
And let me be among those who are chosen by Thee.
Let me distrust myself and put my trust in Thee.
Let me be willing to obey for the sake of Thee.
Let me cling to nothing save only to Thee,
And let me be poor because of Thee.
Look upon me, that I may love Thee.
Call me that I may see Thee,
And for ever enjoy Thee. Amen.

Text for the week

Bread of life  -- John 6:26-40, Common English Bible

 26 Jesus replied, “ I assure you that you are looking for me not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate all the food you wanted. 27 Don’t work for the food that doesn’t last but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Human One will give you. God the Father has confirmed him as his agent to give life. ” 


 28 They asked, “ What must we do in order to accomplish what God requires? ” 29 Jesus replied, “ This is what God requires, that you believe in him whom God sent. ” 30 They asked, “ What miraculous sign will you do, that we can see and believe you? What will you do? 31 Our ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, just as it is written, He gave them bread from heaven to eat.”


 32 Jesus told them, “ I assure you, it wasn’t Moses who gave the bread from heaven to you, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 The bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world. ” 


 34 They said, “ Sir, give us this bread all the time! ” 35 Jesus replied, “ I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. 36 But I told you that you have seen me and still don’t believe. 37 Everyone whom the Father gives to me will come to me, and I won’t send away anyone who comes to me. 38 I have come down from heaven not to do my will, but the will of him who sent me. 39 This is the will of the one who sent me, that I won’t lose anything he has given me, but I will raise it up at the last day. 40 This is my Father’s will: that all who see the Son and believe in him will have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. ”


I have been thinking about this text for a couple of weeks now, seeing as it is a continuation of what I preached on last week.  I probably will preach about Jesus being the "Bread of Heaven" but that's not what is capturing my imagination today.

I struggle and wrestle with something a lot of people think is really simple - how much aid do I give a family in need?  I know of some people who would say "none" and then some who say "all."  My tendency is probably to give way more than most. I don't say this to show myself up in a good light or to flatter myself - my need to give probably arises more from my need to be liked and wanted than real agape love.

I have given away too much this year to one particular family.  It got to the point that I believe that I was enabling them to live in their lifestyle without having to take responsibility for their own actions.  I know that I have done this several times in the past and probably will do it again in the future.  I've thought about the Traveller on the road to Jericho who was attacked by thieves (maybe they were zealots, who knows?) and the Good Samaritain who stopped and gave aid.  However, what if the Traveller when healed just went back out and jumped in the ditch again?  What if the Traveller got so used to being rescued that's all that the Traveller knew?

This story this week has helped me.  Jesus fed the 5000.  He retreated across the water, the people chased him.  When they all convened on the other side, he rebuked them and did NOT feed them a second time.  Instead he told them to look for the food that endures for eternal life.  This story has been balm on my soreness. Thanks be to God!

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen.
       A Prayer of St. Augustine

Morning Prayer from St. Augustine

Today's readings:

2 Kings 4
What I heard: Death in the Pot, "My head! My head!"  “What can these few cakes do towards feeding a hundred men? They forget that God can multiply them. Ye limit the Holy One of Israel. Do you think he needs our numbers? Do you think he is dependent upon human strength? I tell you, our weakness is a better weapon for God than our strength.” (Charles Spurgeon)


John 6:1-21
What I heard: "Make the people sit down" - Jesus sets the table, we are his guests.  Jesus is the source of life and nourishment.

Too late have I loved you,
O Beauty so ancient,
O Beauty so new.
Too late have I loved you!

You were within me but I was outside myself,
and there I sought you!
In my weakness I ran after the beauty
of the things you have made.
You were with me, and I was not with you.

The things you have made kept me from you -
the things which would have no being
unless they existed in you!

You have called, you have cried,
and you have pierced my deafness.

You have radiated forth,
you have shined out brightly,
 and you have dispelled my blindness.

You have sent forth your fragrance,
and I have breathed it in, and I long for you.
I have tasted you, and I hunger and thirst for you.
You have touched me, and I ardently desire your peace.
Amen.

Sitting with it

I've had to make a remarkably hard decision this week.  Actually, the decision was made by the circumstances involved, by lack of money and reluctance to give to someone who is an incurably, irrevocably, ungrateful, unrepentant recidivist.  Facebook asks, "What is on your mind?" What is on my mind is an incurable, irrevocable, ungrateful, unrepentant recidivist.  That is what is on my mind. Lord help us all. When does assistance go from assistance to enabling?  And in that case, what is the truly loving action?

Reflections on the Good Samaritan

Luke 10:29-37 (NIV)

29b ...so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[a] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ 


36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 


 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”


Sometimes I wish Jesus were still around so I could ask a few question.  Like - what happened to the wounded man?  Did he recover?  Did he thank the Good Samaritan? Did he go forth and never fall again into harm's way?


Or did he retrace his steps and fall back into the ditch?  Did he go down the same road and make the same mistakes that got him there in the first place?  Did he run into another group of robbers?  Did he jump back into his ditch because that was the life he knew?  How many denarii did the innkeeper end up with? At what point does the traveller have to take responsibility for his own path?


Just asking.

Morning Prayer - Augustine

Give Thyself unto me, O my God, restore Thyself unto me: behold I love, and if it be too little, I would love more strongly...

In Thy Gift we rest; there we enjoy Thee. Our rest is our place. Love lifts us up thither, and Thy good Spirit lifts up our lowliness from the gates of death. In Thy good pleasure is our peace.

The body by its own weight strives towards its own place. Weight makes not downward only, but to his own place. Fire tends upward, a stone downward. They are urged by their own weight, they seek their own places. Oil poured below water, is raised above the water; water poured upon oil, sinks below the oil. They are urged by their own weights to seek their own places. When out of their order, they are restless; restored to order, they are at rest.

My weight, is my love; thereby am I borne, whithersoever I am borne. We are inflamed, by Thy Gift we are kindled; and are carried upwards; we glow inwardly, and go forwards. We ascend Thy ways that be in our heart, and sing a song of degrees; we glow inwardly with Thy fire, with Thy good fire, and we go; because we go upwards to the peace of Jerusalem: for gladdened was I in those who said unto me, We will go up to the house of the Lord. There hath Thy good pleasure placed us, that we may desire nothing else, but to abide there for ever.

-- Augustine, from the "Confessions" (Chapter 8 to 11, excerpts)

I'm here for an argument

Man: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
(Monty Python's Argument Sketch)

I've been thinking quite a bit about all that happened in Tampa during General Conference 2012.  I don't really think anything new happened.  We just had a nice course of 10 arguments for 8 pounds.  The same course of 10 that we had 4 years ago and 4 years before that and 4 years before that and so on. It gets to be rather predictable. And of course, some of the arguments are just plain contradiction by contrary people.

I get tired of the same arguments over and over again.  It gets to the point where I feel we can just play a tape and not truly engage with one another.  They are going to say *this* and then I will say *that* and that will cause them to say *this other thing* and I will counter with *another that*.

I could list the arguments I get tired of, as I am sure you could as well. I even get tired of the "2 space after a period" argument or the "em dash" argument.  Arguing, of course, is a hallmark for Methodists - and well, maybe even Americans.  "Everyone is entitled to their opinion" is tossed away before people are hit with the discount button.

I've been reading the text for the week and preparing my sermon (John 17:6-19.)  It's Jesus' prayer for the people of this world.  (Of course now comes the argument if it's Jesus' or Jesus's.) I have entitled it "In the World, Not Of It" (how many times has *that* sermon title been used?) I was getting along swimmingly (really) until I get to that phrase "so that they may be one, as we are one" and I have to take a step back.  What would it mean if all of us Christians in the world (much less us Methodists) were ONE as Christ and the Father are ONE?

And it's not harmony I'm talking about - that we all be the same texture and consistency (that would be bland, IMHO.)  I'm talking about how Jesus prays that we are ONE as the Trinity is ONE.  And that kind of blows my mind.  To be of one substance, of one accord.  Real and honest unity.  I don't think we would ever give up the arguing, except maybe it would be transformed into discourse.  But I think it would mean that we would have to really and truly engage with one another and lend to one another dignity and respect.  I think we might have to listen more than we talk.

Of course, I'm an idealist.  But if Jesus prayed it for this world, maybe I can. May we all be ONE as Jesus and the Creator are ONE.  So be it. Amen.

Morning Prayer - A Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas

Grant me, O Lord my God,
a mind to know you,
a heart to seek you,
wisdom to find you,
conduct pleasing to you,
faithful perseverance in waiting for you,
and a hope of finally embracing you. Amen.

Morning Prayer - Have a little patience - Soren Kierkegaard

Father in Heaven!
Show us a little patience
for we often intend in all sincerity to commune with You
and yet we speak in such a foolish fashion.

Sometimes,
when we judge that what has come to us is good,
we do not have enough words to thank You;
just as a mistaken child is thankful for having gotten his own way.

Sometimes
things go so badly that we call upon You;
just as an unreasoning child fears what would do him good.

Oh, but if we are so childish,
how far from being Your true children
You who are our true Father, ah, as if an animal
would pretend to have a man as a father.

How childish we are
and how little our proposals and our language resemble
the language which should not be this way and that we should be otherwise. Have then a little patience with us.


-- Soren Kierkegaard

Morning Prayer - Kierkegaard - You Have Loved Us First

Father in Heaven! 
You have loved us first, 
     help us never to forget that 
     You are love so that this sure conviction 
          might triumph in our hearts 
          over the seduction of the world, 
          over the inquietude of the soul, 
          over the anxiety for the future, 
          over the fright of the past, 
          over the distress of the moment. 


But grant also that this conviction 
     might discipline our soul so that our heart 
     might remain faithful and sincere 
            in the love which we bear 
            to all those whom You have commanded 
            us to love as we love ourselves.


You have loved us first, O God, alas! 
     We speak of it in terms of history 
     as if You have only loved us first but a single time, 
     rather than that without ceasing.


You have loved us first 
      many things and 
      every day and 
      our whole life through. 


When we wake up in the morning 
      and turn our soul toward You - 
          You are the first - 
          You have loved us first; 
if I rise at dawn and at the same second turn my soul toward
      You in prayer, 
      You are there ahead of me, 
      You have loved me first. 


When I withdraw from the distractions of the day 
      and turn my soul toward You, 
      You are the first and thus forever. 
      And yet we always speak ungratefully 
as if You have loved us first only once.


--Soren Kierkegaard

Morning Prayer - Soren Kierkegaard - You Who Are Unchangable

You who are unchangeable, 
        whom nothing changes! 
You who are unchangeable in love, 
        precisely for our welfare, 
        not submitting to any change: 


May we too will our welfare, 
        submitting ourselves to the discipline 
        of Your unchangeableness, 
So that we may in unconditional obedience 
        find our rest and remain at rest in Your unchangeableness. 


You are not like us;
       if we are to preserve only some degree of constancy, 
       we must not permit ourselves too much to be moved, 
       nor by too many things. 


You on the contrary are moved, 
       and moved in infinite love, 
       by all things. 
Even that which we humans beings 
       call an insignificant trifle, 
       and pass by unmoved, 
       the need of a sparrow, even this moved You; 
And what we so often scarcely notice, 
        a human sigh, this moves You, 
       You who are unchangeable! 


You who in infinite love do submit to be moved, 
       may this our prayer also move You to add Your blessing, 
       in order that there may be brought about such a change
       in us who pray as to bring us into conformity 
       with Your unchangeable will,


You who are unchangeable! 


-- Soren Kierkegaard

A prayer of St Anselm

Lord Jesus Christ; Let me seek you by desiring you,
and let me desire you by seeking you;
let me find you by loving you,
and love you in finding you.

I confess, Lord, with thanksgiving,
that you have made me in your image,
so that I can remember you, think of you, and love you.

But that image is so worn and blotted out by faults,
and darkened by the smoke of sin,
that it cannot do that for which it was made,
unless you renew and refashion it.

Lord, I am not trying to make my way to your height,
for my understanding is in no way equal to that,
but I do desire to understand a little of your truth
which my heart already believes and loves.

I do not seek to understand so that I can believe,
but I believe so that I may understand;
and what is more,
I believe that unless I do believe, I shall not understand.

from: The Oxford Book of Prayer, George Appleton ed., 2002.

Give my regards to Tampa.

Yesterday we the UMC General Conference voted to not divest themselves of companies doing business with Israel.  We've also voted in a "Plan UMC" that has now gone to Judicial Council to judge its constitutionality.  Today is a big day in that they will be discussion issues of human sexuality.  Westboro Baptist may be there, just to add some spice into the mix.

I haven't been following like I would want because I have to attend to all the other details of life: hospital visits, nursing home visits, bulletins, phone calls, writing liturgy among others - and then the details of life like laundry and dinner.

In some ways, what is happening in Tampa seems so far removed from "real life" yet I know that what is decided will be a factor in the way that ministry will be done in the future.  What's happening in Tampa is exciting and interesting and seems so urgent, until real life pulls me back in and its urgency and importance fades away.

We've had General Conferences before - we will have them in the future.  But babies will continue to be born and people will continue to die.  And somewhere in the middle they will live their lives.  The Methodist church will continue on regardless, somehow in the midst.  It may morph and change a bit over time.  We may or may not get new hymnals - eventually.  We may or may not be associated with certain churches in Sweden.  We may or may not affirm certain type of ministry by certain types of people (I do believe it will happen sooner than later.)  We will continue on.  We will change.

But one think I do know will not change: God's love for us will continue.  Of that I have complete faith.  God's will WILL be done, even if we manage to get in God's way.  This is something I know. God is already here regardless if we asked for God's presence or not.  And God will continue to show up.

So give my regards to Tampa today.  I'm praying for the delegates, the pages, the monitors, the Bishops, the observers - for them all.

The Sky Is Falling!

Everyone had been abuzz with the things going down at General Conference 2012.  I feel like Chicken Little - people are declaring that the sky is falling! Well, at least in my neck of the woods.  They were tweeting and twittering about Episcopal term limits – which did not pass.  They were a twittering and tweeting about Guaranteed Appointments – which went away.   They have been aghast with the debates about God’s love being extended to all people - yes, even non-Christians.

And I just think about Ecclesiastes – there is nothing really new under the sun.  I think that the debates about God’s Love have been around for a very long time (maybe 2000 years) and the discussions about Guaranteed Appointments for at least a century.

I understand that the language about every pastor getting a church goes back to the 1912 Discipline.  I would love to get my hands on a copy and read the language for myself, but I know that idea of the covenantal promise of every preacher getting an appointment is from the 1956 Discipline.  I’m going to say something here: the world is different now that it was in 1912 and 1956.  In 1912, women didn’t have the vote.  In 1956, people of color and women couldn’t dream of making the same salary as a man.  I remember my mother telling me of her struggles of making 2/3rds of the men she was working with in the 1960’s. 

But we live in a different world.  Society has changed.  So – we change as well.  The sky is not going to fall down and the world is not going to end.  Life as an ordained elder might change, but the optimist in me tells me that it could possibly be for the better - if we have faith in God being in control.

Every generation has encountered change and the one constant is that – everything changes.  Each generation has hit speed bumps and the church has reacted.  Some times we weathered the speed bump well and sometimes we got a flat tire.  It happens.  It’s the nature of life. 

Am I concerned with the future of my denomination?  Of course I am!  However something in me tells me that I need to be more concerned with the Gospel of Christ and telling everyone of the love that God has for them.  That I need to be more concerned with my own spiritual life and my own sanctification and movement to God’s perfection than with “is my job going to be here in a few years.” 

The end of Guaranteed Appointments is going to be an adjustment for us.   People might lose their jobs; some might lose them unfairly.  I hope not.  I hope that our church is one of integrity and fairness.  I pray that our cabinets, Bishops and boards are where I am – concerned with the transmission of the Gospel to a hurting world.  And I actually have faith that they do.

Guaranteed Appointments and the LGBT question

I am not saying what exactly I support because frankly I don’t really know.  There are three things that have been capturing my attention this GC – guaranteed appointments, disposing of commissioning (personally invested in this one) and the ordination of LGBT.   Two of these logically go together – guaranteed appointments and ordination of all people.

I understand that guaranteed appointments have been around for half a century and that they were instituted so that women clergy would have a fair chance.  You see 50 years ago we were not debating if LGBT people would be ordained but if women could be ordained. 

So, let’s use a little logic here.  IF we dispose of guaranteed appointments and IF the ministry of LGBT is affirmed, what will be in place that the LGBT clergy get a fair chance?

So I say that these legislations go hand in hand.  I don’t think things will change horribly for me – personally.  I’m not going to say that I’m “in like Flynn” but I also think that I’m effectual and doing a decent job.  What disposing of guaranteed appointments will do for me personally?  I may not be able to be as outspoken about politically charged issues as I would like. Among other things.

However, I think that disposing of guaranteed appointments will do BIG things when it comes around to LGBT clergy being able to feel any sort of job security.

Note:
From an article on UMC.org

In 1989, the Rev. Robert Kohler, then staff for the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry, presented a paper to the Commission for the Study of Ministry in which he pointed out that on this topic “one finds a very short legislative history and a very long oral tradition.”
Kohler refers to “The Minister in the Itinerant System” by Bishop Thomas B. Neely, published in 1914.  Bishop Neely wrote that in his time the system promises “that the preacher shall be provided with a pastoral charge…(and)…that, if he does faithful and successful work, he need not be concerned about his next appointment, for the appointing power will concern itself about that.”
The 1912 Discipline spelled out how conference membership could be terminated, and these included judicial procedures (Paragraphs 243-260).  The 1956 Discipline was clear that, "Every traveling preacher, unless retired, supernumerary, on sabbatical leave, or under arrest of character, must receive an appointment." (Paragraph 432.9)  The 2008 Discipline states, "All elders in full connection who are in good standing in annual conference shall be continued under appointment by the bishop unless…." (Paragraph 337).
The language of Bishop Neely in 1914 is most interesting: “Back of the system, therefore, is the whole Church, self-obligated – sworn, so to speak, to conform to and to uphold this system of pastoral assignment. It is a contract between the laity and the ministry.” In other words, the bishop sends, the clergy go without reserve, and the laity receives. Break any link and the itinerancy is in jeopardy.