Now That It's All Over and Done With

I have come up with the perfect sermon title:

Canaan's Canines.

*note: I googled this. Someone else thought of it too. Ah, well. Great minds and all that.

Tees for DOG and GOD
Canaan's Dog
CANINES TO CANAAN: The Story of Some Forgotten Four-Footed Pioneers

*******

In other silliness:
What would a Bible story sound like told by a pirate?

Walkin' on th' Water
As soon as th' meal be finished, he insisted that th' disciples get in th' boat an' go on ahead t' th' other side while he dismissed th' swabbies. Wi' th' crowd dispersed, he climbed th' mountain so he could be by hisself an' pray. He stayed thar alone, late into th' night.
Meanwhile, th' boat be far ou' t' sea when th' wind came up against them an' they be battered by th' waves. At about four o'clock in th' mornin', Jesus came toward them walkin' on th' water. They be lily livered ou' o' the'r wits. "A ghost!" they spake, cryin' ou' in terror.
But Jesus be quick t' comfort them. "Courage, 'tis me. Dasn't be lily livered."
Peter, suddenly bold, spake, "Master, if 'tis really ye, call me t' come t' ye on th' water."
He spake, "Come ahead."
Jumpin' ou' o' th' boat, Peter keel hauled on th' water t' Jesus. But when he looked down at th' waves churnin' beneath his feet, he lost his nerve an' started t' sink. He cried, "Master, save me!"
Jesus didna hesitate. He reached down an' grabbed his hand. Then he spake, "Faint-heart, what got into ye?"
Th' two o' them climbed into th' boat, an' th' wind sank t'Davy Jones' locker down. Th' disciples in th' boat, havin' watched th' whole thin', worshiped Jesus, sayin', "This be 't! Ye be God's Lad fer sure!" On return, they beached th' boat at Gennesaret. When th' swabbies got wind that he be aft, they sent ou' word through th' neighborhood an' rounded up all th' sea sick, who asked fer permission t' touch th' edge o' his coat. An' whoeretouched th' lad's be healed.