There are days

There are days where
I don’t know who I am looking
This way and that for external forms
Of validation, of approval, of acceptance
Of blessing, or dare I even breathe it,
Love?

Love
Time and time again I ask for God to
Use me, to call me a worthy vessel, for God
To keep me close, to shelter me, to show me love
Still

Still
I feel the grit of the sand and not its softness,
I feel my shadowside, I feel the dark
I feel the coldness of abandonment or maybe of
Abandon wild.

Wild
Abandon I cry out I want more
But can’t express what is more knowing always the less.
I cannot be more, there isn’t more

To be
Existence is it answer enough in itself
Or will there ever be a time where
I will know that I am enough
there are days where
I don’t know who I am.