Pictures

Labeling the cat.


Perhaps a label other than "Theology" is needed, as I now have 10 shelves labeled "Theology."


My Mouse in the school variety show


Entropy chasing chickens. Great fun for her, stress for the chickens. She ate fresh eggs for the first time this week.


Clyde who thinks he is a dog. He loves to be petted and will butt you if you stop.

I've Spent Two Days

In DeLurking fun -- and now it's time to get ready for Thanksgiving.
I'm meeting a RevGal IRL (exciting!)
I've had the kids to the doctor's today (both with sinus infections, ugh.)
I've had my teeth cleaned.
I've gone grocery shopping.
I've done laundry.
I've tried to take a picture of the cat and now I have a question:
How come when I DON'T want the cat in the picture, she won't go away, but when I WANT a picture of the cat I can't find her?

Thanksgiving Delurking Week

There are so very many things in our lives that we can be thankful for. I personally, am thankful for such a wonderful group people represented by the RevGals and BlogPals and our community here online. At Bits and Odd Pieces of Mindy's Kingdom recently, some of us were noticing that there has been a drop in commenting recently. So, in honor of Mindy, Princess of Everything, we are having a Thanksgiving Delurking week! (Please notice the cow; that's for Mindy).

Place this image on your blog and announce Delurking Week, starting today and running until the 26th. When you visit a blog, you can either just say "Thank for for blogging" or place a blogstone (o) (The invention of PPB of The Ice Floe) or whatever the Spirit moves you.

Let the Delurking begin!

Full Plate

How come when you have a full plate more things happen?
This is my last Sunday at my home church (home for 10 years) and my first Sunday at my new church (at 11:00) -- end of the semester, final projects to work on, finals to prepare for, trip coming up for Thanksgiving so...
I now have a strained muscle in my back -- hurts to move and I've taken a muscle relaxant.
And then Chaos steps on the cat -- she made a muffled squeaky meow and had problems breathing (the cat, not Chaos). One trip to the emergancy vet. Little Kitty is OK, just bruised. The only thing that's hurting now is my wallet, which has a smoking hole in it.
Oh and Chaos? Now renamed "Leadboot Catcrusher."

Sunsets and Moonrise at the Lake

OK, I snorted Iced Tea Out My Nose.

This is so true!! I think I'll post it on my blog. That my Brother-in-law reads. And maybe his neighbor.

Having Fun

New Toy

I'm having fun labeling things. One day I WILL be organized. I WILL. Right now, I'm going to be disorganized with really cool labels on things. I think I'll label the cat.

::sadness::

Because of my own poor planning, sick babysitters, babysitter's sick dad, rain, etc. I'm going to have to go home instead of stay at school today and I'm going to miss Lunch and Lecture with BBT.

Sadness.

Evening Prayer

Hushed was the evening hymn,
The temple courts were dark;
The lamp was burning dim
Before the sacred ark;
When suddenly a voice divine
Rang through the silence of the shrine.

The old man, meek and mild,
The priest of Israel, slept;
His watch the temple child,
The little Levite, kept;
And what from Eli's sense was sealed
The Lord to Hannah's child revealed.

O give me Samuel's ear,
The open ear, O God,
Alive and quick to hear
Each whisper of your Word,
Like him to answer at your call,
And to obey you first of all.

O give me Samuel's heart,
A lowly heart, that waits
Where in your house you are,
Or watches at your gates;
By day and night, a heart that still
Moves at the breathing of your will.

O give me Samuel's mind,
A sweet unmurm'ring faith,
Obedient and resigned
To you in life and death,
That I may read with child-like eyes
Truths that are hidden from the wise.
-- James Drummond Burns

Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us; that we may delight in your will, and walk in your ways, to the glory of your Name. Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us all our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen us in all goodness, and by the power of the Holy Spirit keep us in eternal life.

Gracious and Everlasting God,
You made this universe
You created order out of chaos, and gave it marvelous order,
Its atoms, worlds, and galaxies, and the infinite complexity of all living creatures:
As we explore the mysteries of your creation,
May we know You better and
May we come to know how best to serve you to Your eternal will.

In the stillness, let us hear You.
In our newness, let us hear You.
In the quietness of the night, let us hear You.
In our sleeping and in our waking, let us hear You.

Dearest and Gracious God,
Your loving hand has given us all that we possess:
Pour on me your grace so that I may honor you with all that I am and all that I have.
Make me a faithful steward of your bounty.
I give to you but Thine own.
Amen.

Found at

St. John's Rev Abi, and sticking in my mind right now -- perhaps because I am building a literal sacred space in my house right now.... Even if I know that real sacred spaces are not literal or physical -- they are beyond.

Inside of sacred space you are indestructible, even though you feel quite vulnerable and unsure of yourself in many ways. Inside of sacred space you can love America and critique America at the same time. Inside of sacred space you can weep for the bigger evil of which both sides are victims. Inside of sacred space you can imagine an alternative universe because you have now been there yourself. Inside of sacred space you can - if you can dare imagine it - hear God.
- Richard Rohr

The Strengths and Weaknesses of the UMC

Strengths of the UMC

As I reflect upon the Discipline of the UMC and my experience in the denomination, I would say that the major strength of the UMC lies in its connectional system. Rev. George Cookman in 1839 in a speech in celebrating achievements at Centennial says, when pressed “with the question, ‘What is the grand characteristic, the distinctive peculiarity of Methodism?’ I would answer, It is to be found in one single word, ITINERANCY. Yes, sir, this, under God, is the mighty spring of our motive power, the true secret of our unparalleled success. Stop the itinerancy, let congregationalism prevail for only twelve months, -- Samson is shorn of his locks, and we become as other men” (Richey, 246).

It is the heart and soul, the distinctive mark of the Methodist system. Thomas Frank says, “Like breathing in and breathing out, the local churches of United Methodism and the connection through which they are linked together are both vital expressions of the church. Each local church is gifted in its own way for worship, fellowship, education, and care – breathing in deeply the life of Christian community. Each is drawn into mission in company with churches of a broader connection, breathing out the witness and service of the church in the world” (Frank, 38). The connectional system is a beautiful reminder of the unity in and of the body of Christ. Each member is just a small part; the sum is larger than any of us could imagine. With our connectional system we are able to do things that smaller denominations and independent churches cannot. We are able to pool resources in times of trouble through organizations like UMCOR. We are able to operate a publishing house so that we are not dependent on a secular house deciding on doctrinal issues. We are able to create powerful resources like the General Board of Discipleship. We are able to better support congregations by insuring that they will always have a minister. This connectional system also allows for series of checks and balances in order that power not be mismanaged and abused. The connectional system is the crowning achievement of Methodism in America.

Weaknesses of the UMC

The largest weakness of the UMC is the connectional system. “The United Methodist Church must seem an immensely complicated mechanism” (Tuell, 162). It is a large cumbersome machine, at that. Like any other large organization, there is a lot of bureaucracy and wasted effort. Like any other large organization, there can be a lot of strife and infighting among small groups. There is emotional distance between the laity and the clergy of the church. The itinerant system is seen to be outdated. The church’s position on some modern issues is outdated. The denomination is shrinking in membership as the numbers of people attending independent churches is growing. Our own congregations do not understand the value of the itinerate system.

But all these types of problems have been seen in the past. In the 1820’s to the 1840’s, the MEC was swept into arguments about their young, mostly single men preachers moving from the circuit to a “station” or being “located” in one place. In an article from the Christian Advocate on October 27, 1841, editor Thomas Bond writes cogently about the dangers of locating. He claims that it is onerous to the churches because of the large debt that they could incur. He talks about the “unfriendly influence” on the spiritual state of the churches and how if a minister were located, he would not be able to proclaim a message of deliverance and repentance. He is concerned about the country people and the small village churches (Richey, 248-250.) However, locating did not cause the death of itinerancy. More than 150 years later, when there is tremendous debate about the future of the itinerancy, the current arguments against the reformation of the system reverb with this same rhetoric.

To continue Thomas Frank’s analogy, we must allow the church to breathe in the wind of the Holy Spirit and breathe out the witness of Christ upon our communities. Any living breathing organism has need to grow and evolve. Our opportunity is before us -- to change and to reform our connection in order to better suit the needs of our people, society and congregations, as has been done throughout the history of Methodism in America. Our threat is our own lethargy and entropy.

Change can be threatening. Our task is to carefully evaluate our needs and our strengths and deliberately, one step at a time reform our system to meet those needs. “The United Methodist connection has always been a challenge to maintain. To meet and make decisions in conference requires deep commitment, energy and attention. To assign pastors where they are most needed and best able to serve is exceedingly complex. To worship and serve as a congregation means continually swimming against the tide of American privatism and consumerism. And no ecclesial role is more daunting than trying to be a bishop of integrity” (Frank, 319). We have the means for reform in our hands – our Book of Discipline. It has teeth. It has methods developed over generations to help us along in this modern world. We need leaders willing to use it – from the laity to the episcopacy. We need leaders that will boldly take Methodism into this next century, reforming the itinerancy system, as it has been reformed and reshaped in the past. We need leaders that will identify waste and bureaucracy. We need leaders that ask themselves have I “been oiling the machinery of what exists while failing to employ a tough mind and tender heart, pastoral soul and a prophet’s conscience for the kind of radical transformation that is conducive to the gospel and creates a Church that is a harbinger of God’s kingdom/reign” (Sprague, 112). How can we become leaders that can affect this kind of radical transformation.


Bibliography

The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church 2000, (The United Methodist Publishing House: Nashville, TN), 2000.

Thomas Edward Frank, Polity, Practice, and the Mission of The United Methodist Church, Updated Edition, (Abingdon Press: Nashville, TN), 2002.

Russell E. Richey, Kenneth E. Rowe and Jean Miller Schmidt, The Methodist Experience in America: A Sourcebook, Vol. II, (Abingdon Press: Nashville, TN), 2000.

C. Joseph Sprague, Affirmations of a Dissenter, (Abingdon Press: Nashville, TN), 2002.

Jack M. Tuell, The Organization of The United Methodist Church, 2002 edition, (Abingdon Press: Nashville, TN), 2002.

Working On My Bedroom Retreat

I had "help" with the laundry.


I purchased on of those "Bed-In-A-Bag" things. I like the green color.


My dresser with lots of candles, but without the new green draperies. The green tray I rescued is on the dresser with candles on it.


And I conceded to the fact if I wanted to watch something "mommy" oriented, I needed a TV in the bedroom. I resisted this for years, but caved in. This is the old TV from the Living Room.


I've set up a desk in the corner and it's being used by myself and the kids on occasion for their homework. I've put special treasures on the desk -- that old silver bowl with pillar candle, a mirror tray and pencil cups, my upstairs hard-drive, a picture of my children, a paperweight, an old Fenton "Peach crest" vase from the 1940's. I'll take a picture soon -- right now I'm cleaning out the closet.....

Broken Dish and Rescued Treasures

This broken dish that I am trying to repair. It was painted by the Loving Husband's grandmother and broken about 50 years ago (well, I don't know how long it was broken...) There are a few missing pieces, so the repair will be interesting. Also a few "Jelly Jars" (I think that they were actually shrimp cocktail sauce jars) that I am going to make into votive holders and an old mirror that was so very dirty that I couldn't tell it WAS a mirror until I cleaned it up. I thought it might have been a framed picture -- it was so very covered with grime and dirt. It cleaned up OK -- I'm going to hang it in my bedroom retreat.

There is something very satisfactory about cleaning up things that are dirty and broken.

A Short Evening Prayer

But heartfelt.

At your feet, O Christ, we lay
your own gift of this full day;
Doubt of what it holds in store
Makes us crave your aid the more;
Even in a time of loss,
Mark, it Savior, with your Cross.

Yes, we would your Word embrace,
Live each moment on your grace,
All ourselves to you consign,
Fold up all our wills in yours,
Think, and speak, and do, and be
Simply that which pleases you.

Hear us, Christ, O, hear our prayer;
Hear, and bless our deepest care.
May your love to us impart,
Loyal singleness of heart;
So shall this and all our days,
Christ and God, show forth your praise.

Words: William Bright (19thC) adapted

We look and we really don't see

Today I saw:
* a semi-truck with a whimsey on the back bumper -- a 18 inch tall rubber mouse. With really big ears.
* the ribbon of the centerline fading into the soft grey of the horizon, exactly matching the yellow of the turning leaves.
* a little girl skipping alongside an older man, running ahead, lagging behind for a reassuring touch on the head. She was wearing rainbow striped stockings and red sparkley Mary Janes.
* my two children's heads bowed together with their arms around each other as they read a book.
* a couple kiss each other and hold hands after 60 plus years of marriage.
* a pattern of red maple leaves against a robin's egg blue sky
* the flame of a candle shining through 100 year old glass
* the dark curl of my husband's hair
* a flickering ginger tail under my desk. Just the tail was showing.
* a tree hung with old CDs at sunset

Evening Prayer

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
--Words: Henry Lyte, 1847

89 O LORD, your word is everlasting; *
it stands firm in the heavens.
90 Your faithfulness remains from one generation to another; *
you established the earth, and it abides.
91 By your decree these continue to this day, *
for all things are your servants.
92 If my delight had not been in your law, *
I should have perished in my affliction.
93 I will never forget your commandments, *
because by them you give me life.
94 I am yours; oh, that you would save me! *
for I study your commandments.
95 Though the wicked lie in wait for me to destroy me, *
I will apply my mind to your decrees.
96 I see that all things come to an end, *
but your commandment has no bounds.
-- Psalm 119

Luke 13:10-17 (NRSV)

10 Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath. 11 And just then there appeared a woman with a spirit that had crippled her for eighteen years. She was bent over and was quite unable to stand up straight. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, 'Woman, you are set free from your ailment.' 13 When he laid his hands on her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God.
-- Luke 13

Almighty and most merciful God,
it is only by your faithfulness that your people know of faithfulness
It is only by your service that your people know of service.
It is only by your example that we know fullness of life.
It is only by your touch that we know of true healing.

You are an almighty and everlasting God,
Your Spirit is our advocate and help.
Help us stand straight and tall, for your sake.
Hear our prayers, not just for ourselves but for the whole body of your people, for your sake
Help us find our vocation and passion so that we may truly serve you, for your sake.

God of peace,
You have taught us that in returning and rest our hope in your presence we will be saved
In resting we will be healed,
In resting we will become straight and tall,
In resting we will be renewed,
In resting we will know You in the stillness of the night.
In stillness and in quietness You will be our strength:
By the might of your Spirit lift us -- raise us up, we pray, to your presence, where we may be still and know that you are God; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen. (A Prayer of John Wesley)

Attention all Methodists

Please check out:
www.methoblog.com

This is an attempt for open and honest conversations within Methodism. WesleyBlog is defunct; Blogging Methodist never really took off. This is a fresh new try.

School

Three weeks and 2 days of classes left.
One Systematic Paper (Dec 8)
One Evangelism Project (Dec 7)
One Systematic Journal (Nov 17)
Three William James Reading interactions after today (one a week)
Three Evanglism Reading Interactions (Ditto)
Reading Week then
One ORAL final in Systematics (Dec 17)

It's the home stretch....

All the Cool Revs are doing it

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Just some pictures

The bowl that St. Casserole gave me advice about. It was black with grime/tarnish. It had been classified as "trash." I almost threw it away. It had 30 year old silver polish dried in all the crevices and grooves. It polished up OK.


But there is definite pitting and corrosion in the inside part of the bowl that will NOT go away so...


I made a candle holder out of it with the help of some marbles. It now sits on my desk along with...


My lamp and hard drive. And organic hard drive warmer. It tends to shed.

Posting Number 700

Fall at the Lake

Danger Danger Will Robinson!

Major Time Suck!!

But fun!

I think it will be useful for video projects to science fair projects.*

*Chaos has joined the "nerd club" at school -- that is, the science fair club. It's her, a friend and then lots and lots of "nerds."

Morning Prayer

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, *
the moon and the stars you have set in their courses,

What is man that you should be mindful of him? *
the son of man that you should seek him out?

You have made him but little lower than the angels; *
you adorn him with glory and honor;

You give him mastery over the works of your hands; *
you put all things under his feet:

All sheep and oxen, *
even the wild beasts of the field,

The birds of the air, the fish of the sea, *
and whatsoever walks in the paths of the sea.

O LORD our Governor, *
how exalted is your Name in all the world!
-- Psalm 8:5-10 BCP


22He said to his disciples, 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your
body, what you will wear. 23For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24Consider the
ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how
much more value are you than the birds! 25And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of
life? 26If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? 27Consider the
lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like
one of these. 28But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, how much more will he clothe you-you of little faith! 29And do not keep striving for what you are to eat
and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. 30For it is the nations of the world that strive after all
these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31Instead, strive for his kingdom, and these things
will be given to you as well.
-- Luke 7:22- 31

O God the Father,
Have mercy.
O God the Son,
Have mercy.
O God the Holy Ghost,
Have mercy.

Remember not, Lord, our offences.
Spare us, Good Lord.
From all evil and sin,
Good Lord, deliver him.
From the assaults of the devil,
Good Lord, deliver him.
From thy wrath, and from everlasting damnation,
Good Lord, deliver him.
In time hour of death,
Good Lord, deliver him.
In the day of judgement,
Good Lord, deliver him.

By the mystery of thine Incarnation,
Save him, O Lord.
By thy Cross and Passion,
Save him, O Lord.
thy thy Resurrection and final Triumph,
Save him, O Lord.

That it may please thee to grant him relief in pain
We beseech thee to hear us.
To give him such health as is agreeable to thy will
We beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to deliver his soul
We beseech thee to hear us.
To cleanse him from his sin
We beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to receive him to thyself;
We beseech thee to hear us.
To set him in a place of light and peace
We beseech thee to hear us.
To number him with thy saints and thine elect
We beseech thee to hear us.

Son of God;
We beseech thee to hear us.
O Lamb of God;
Have mercy upon us.
O Lamb of God;
Grant him thy peace.

-- 1928, BCP

Breast Cancer URLs and My Story

Breast Cancer Facts
Breast Cancer Site
Medline from the NIH

My Story

What I'm Doing

After this summer's CPE experience, I've really started examining all of my actions. I suppose it is a natural result of the method used in CPE in an effort to become more self aware. So when I begin acting in a different manner, or doing things that are a departure from the normal schedule, I start wonder what's going on. I really believe that we work out things that hare working in and on us emotionally and spiritually in our physical environment. That's the first thing.

Second is my husband's and my ongoing dealing with "stuff." When my grandparents died or downsized or went into nursing homes, my parents took in all their "stuff." China and furniture and pictures and placemats and linens and shoes and vases and papers and books and ... They gave much of it away to myself and my sister, to cousins and relative and large amounts to Goodwill. But they kept quite a large amount. When my mother moved after my father's death, she began to unload even more of the stuff and when she died, my sister absorbed quite a bit into our households. (Actually, I still have garage and storage unit full of "stuff.")

When my husband's mother died and his grandfather, he became the executor of his grandfather's estate. And his grandfather had a incrediable mountian of "stuff." We have been dedicating every other Saturday to going through that stuff. My parents and grandparents and his as well had what I call the "depression mentality." It's a result of doing without for so long in the 1930's and then having things rationed out in the 1940's. It shaped their thinking and their way of being. I heard so many times "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." They never threw anything away because, hey, you never knew when you might need it again.

But

The husband's grandfather's attic was ... overwhelming. It was full. There were boxes of stuff that had been packed up in 1938 when his grandparents moved to New Orleans. The newspapers are dated 1938. There are boxes of stuff that had been packed up in 1948 when they moved back to Atlanta. So many of these boxes were obviously never ever touched. There were toys from his mother's and his uncles' childhood that were played with and then placed back into the original packaging. There is clothing, shoes, hats -- all in boxes and just packed away. There are entire boxes of household goods that were packed away when his uncles died in 1971. Opening these boxes is like entering into time warps. There are boxes of "good stuff" -- linen, china, silver and the like, packed away for a "special occasion."

Yet

The attic was hot then cold for years and years. The roof leaked. Racoons chewed holes in the eaves and nested in the boxes. Squirrels lived in the attic. Mice made themselves a home. Most of the stuff in the attic is just ruined. And it makes me so very very sad. It was all packed away "just in case" and "for a special occasion" that never came. It was never used much or appreciated. The shoes and clothing was not given to people who could have used it. The special occasions never came. Is it better to have a ballgown ripped while dancing joyously or to have it rot on a hanger and then used as nesting material for mice? And now my husband and I are spending so much time and energy clean it all up.

I have been bringing home a few items -- trying to salvage them. I've brought home some hand painted china things that were broken and I am trying to mend them. I've recently washed some of the evening wear (even if it was not meant to be washed) and I've washed some of the quilts. I found a green tole tray that was really nasty. I washed it up, sanded out some of the rust and sealed it with poly. I found an old mirror that the mice had really made nasty and cleaned it up. I found a relatively cheap silver bowl that someone tried to polish more than 50 years ago and left the paste on to dry. I tried to salvage it. I'm trying to salvage something out of this mess.

We are given blessing/money/resources to use and not to hoard. We aren't supposed to dig a hole in the ground and put our stuff in it -- we are to use our stuff. John Wesley would say we are to earn all that we can, save all that we can and give away all that we possibly can. The stuff in the attic was not "saved stuff" -- in a way it was totally wasted stuff.

I am making myself a quiet place in the house -- in the only place that I can and that would be our bedroom. I'm placing some of the things that I am salvaging in my new space. I'm combining my stuff -- that came from my parents and grandparents and my husband's stuff that came from his family along with our stuff that we purchased together to make my space. And I am giving away huge bags and boxes of stuff to those who can use it. I've sent a lot of kid's stuff and books to Slidell -- and some of my clothing. I've given away stuff to the church and Family Promise.

And I am gluing broken things together to see if something of value can come of it.

Age Old Questions

1) Dare I eat after the cat?
2) Will Kiwi/Orange yogert upset her stomach?
3) Why do I leave my yogert laying around?
4) How much yogert CAN she eat?

Amazing Grace -- for Jen

as it would be sung in 1840 is found here. This is the New Britain version.

It's the melody in the tenor and the soaring harmony in the sopranos that are so very different here. This group doesn't do as good a job as some in the accenting of the first beat of the measure.

Sounds different, doesn't it? But there is another that's really different -- a different melody.

A Reflection

I've been thinking today about candies and chocolate: starting with light and fluffy candy; Divinity, as my grandmother made it in her 1940’s kitchen. She was one of those souls who would have something “nice to say about the Devil,” as my mother often teased her. She would wait for a clear day in December with absolute no humidity; there could be no grease on any of the cooking implements. Divinity is delicate and grease or humidity will ruin it. Yet she could not conceive of Christmas without Divinity. My mother on the other hand, never could make Divinity; she stuck with Nouget, a sort of cocoa-less fudge. It too was a light and fluffy candy -- bowing to the realities of humidity and grease, but had none of the bitterness that comes with cocoa.

My father, however, was a fan of dark chocolate. What would be marketed today as bittersweet chocoate, it is dark and rich, but leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is a drug; modern research shows that it can actually change the chemical makeup of the brain. My grandfather was much less stable and would take great and heaping spoonfuls of cocoa right from the can, leaving the dank smell of a sugarless existence in his wake.

In my latest hospital setting, I saw all these types. I saw the Divinities that could not stand up to the humidity of the tears of true grief and we just left with a sticky mess. I saw the Nougets whose cocoaless existence became cloying. I saw the Dark Godivas and Lindts; some of which were such pure cocoa that they could not melt; their bitterness and pain and agony made them rigid and frozen.

Where is there unity to be found? It seems that most of us are in that huge variety of Milk Chocolates; the gritty to the teeth cheap chocolates that satisify for a while; the Hershey’s, the ubiquitous and blandness of most people’s ordinary lives; the sublime quality of a Godiva Milk Chocolate truffle. These are to be found in a unity, forged in the smithy of the soul, of the Divinities and Nougets along with the dark and liquid pure and bittersweet cocoas.

A Small Rant

One of my classes (Evangelism) uses a lot of film. Contextualization, you know.

Anyway, I'm supposed to watch the rest of Malcolm X today -- I just finished Amistad.

What a wonderful film (painful, but wonderful.) One small gripe, that I am sure is a sign of a true geekette.

When the drab and morose group of Christians went around, they were singing. That's probably accurate. They were singing "Amazing Grace." That's OK, because it was written around 1799 and its history is all tied up in slavery. Good choice. But they were not using the 1840 harmonizations. AARRGGHH!!! No!!! That arrangement is SO late 20th century. Not good.

See? I'm a geek. (Or is that a Nerd?? I never remember.)

Oh My

"During those moments I was not in my faith. I seemed to stand completely naked -- a soul without body, raiment, relationships or roles. A soul alone with -- with what? With whom?

"Faith is a coat against this nakedness. For most of us, most of the time, faith functions so as to screen off the abyss of mystery that surrounds us. But we all at certain times call upon faith to provide nerve to stand in the presence of the abyss -- naked, stripped of life supports, trusting only in the being, the mercy and the power of the Other in the darkness. Faith helps us form a dependable 'life space,' an ultimate environment. At a deeper level, faith undergirds us when our life space is punctured and collapses, when the felt reality of our ultimate environment proves to be less than ultimate."

-- Stages of Faith, James Fowler, p. xi-xii

The To-do List

1) Sit, pray, think for an hour without thinking about the readings I need to do, the laundry, etc. Turn off the phones, too.
2) Read James Fowler's "Stages of Faith" and write a two page reflection paper as a dialogue between Fowler and William James. (Ugh) (Due Wednesday)
3) Read my Systematic Theology readings (after finding out what they are supposed to be....) (Due Friday)
4) Read my Evangelism readings (after finding out what they are supposed to be....) (Due Tuesday)
5) Prepare an hour long lecture/powerpoint for Evangelism (I'm including a history of the RevGals) (Due Thursday)
6) Make a pan of Baklava.
7) Take the kids shoe shopping (and dinner while we are at it)
-- Karate (maybe), bug them to practice piano, guitar, homework, chores (sometimes easier for me to do it than to get them to do it!)
8) Collect up at least one bag of stuff to give away and one bag of stuff to throw away
9) Watch the rest of "Malcolm X" and write a reflection paper (due Wednesday)
10) RevGal's meet and greet.

Sounds like a lot, but it really isn't. I don't put much effort into reflection papers. Pity, that.

The Unexpected

It started out a small, slightly yellow plant
In my well ordered garden.
Marshaled into strict geometries
Even the flowing vines of the clematis
Were reined into submission

All in order, all planned, all serene and peaceful.
My hand hovered over the small little volunteer
Ready to weed it out as I had weeded others.
But for some reason, I hesitated. I decided
To wait and see what it could be.

The leaves soon became a delicious shade of
Chartreuse – deep yellow green, sharply indented and fuzzy.
I realized that a tomato seed must have survived the
Compost heap and germinated against all the odds,
Became vigorous and thrived.

Soon it sprawled all over the bed and I decided
Not to stake it up – choosing instead to let it express
Its self and its nature.
Soon it had over-run the bed, pushing out of the way
The sedum, clematis and lamb’s ears.

Again I debated taking an axe to the trunk,
Ripping it out by the roots
Smothering it in the cradle
And yet
There were little yellow flowers and the possibility
Of life.

Tonight I had tomatoes on my salad
Unexpected fruit from a plant I didn’t plant
Life I didn’t anticipate
A garden I didn’t intend
Which yielded a harvest plentiful and generous.

More About a Blue Funk

I have, in the past, experienced physical exhaustion as well as academic exhaustion. I've had post-partum depression. The Blue Funk last week was ... different.

I've had time to look at the events leading up to and around my Blue Funk and I've decided it was spiritual exhaustion. Must be, almost.

I was pretty regular about the Morning Prayer thing all last year; taking time three and four times a week to sit, drink my coffee, think and pray. CPE caused a change in my routine -- but I still had the time to sit and think and pray; it was just at the hospital in the chapel most of the time, but it was still there. I got out of the habit of doing it at home in the morning.

This week, I've taken some of that time, and I am feeling better. I am a pretty extreme extrovert at times, but that doesn't mean that I don't need solitude. This week end, I've started making a 'space' for it even, in our bedroom. An oasis of calm and order in a world that is pretty chaotic and noisy. I've set up the sound system in there, cleaned up some of the clutter, placed out a bunch of candles. I want to re-arrange a couple of pieces of big furniture and maybe even paint the walls, even get a few pieces of new bedding. I think back to Jung and his castles at Bollingen and his little fantasy castles he made of stones he picked up on his walks. He did it in solitude and wrote "At Bollingen I am in the midst of my true life, I am most deeply myself." By creating a space for his physical self to dwell in, he could better dwell within himself to discover his authentic self.

Jesus often tried to go off to a different space and be. I had forgotten how essential that solitude is.

So here are a few quotes about solitude:

The monastic hermit realizes that he owes his solitude to his community and owes it in more ways than one. First of all, the community has bestowed it upon him in an act of love and trust. Second, the community helps him to stay there and make a go of it, by prayers and by material aid. Finally, the hermit ‘owes this solitude’ to the community in the sense that his solitary life with its depth of prayer and awareness is his contribution to the community, something that he gives back to his ‘monastic Church’ in return for what he has been given.
-- Thomas Merton

Solitude is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it.
-- Thomas Merton

It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The more solitary I am the more affection I have for them…. Solitude and silence teach me to love my brothers for what they are, not for what they say.
-- Thomas Merton

One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude.
-- Carl Sandburg

Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.
-- Paul Tillich

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.
-- Barbara de Angelis

The mark of solitude is silence, as speech is the mark of community. Silence and speech have the same inner correspondence and difference as do solitude and community. One does not exist without the other. Right speech comes out of silence, and right silence comes out of speech.
-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers.
-- Henry David Thoreau, "Solitude," Walden, 1854

When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that.
-- Gertrude Stein

Converse with men makes sharp the glittering wit, But God to man doth speak in solitude.
-- John Stuart Blackie, Sonnet--Highland Solitude

O Solitude! if I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings: climb with me the steep,-- Nature's observatory--whence the dell, In flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell, May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep 'Mongst boughs pavilion'd, where the deer's swift leap Startles the wild bee from the foxglove bell.
-- John Keats, Sonnet--O Solitude! If I must With Thee Dwell

Morning Prayer

New every morning is the love
Our wakening and uprising prove;
Through sleep and darkness kindly brought,
Restored to life and pow'r and thought.

New mercies, each returning day,
Come down around us while we pray;
Old fears are gone, old sins forgiven,
New thoughts of God, new grace from heaven.

Hear us, O God, in your dear love,
Let our prayers rise to you above,
And help us, this and every day,
To live as truly as we pray.
-- Words: John Keble, (19thC) adapted

1 All wisdom is from the Lord,
and with him it remains forever.
2 The sand of the sea, the drops of rain,
and the days of eternity-who can count them?
3 The height of heaven, the breadth of the earth,
the abyss, and wisdom Ý-who can search them out?
4 Wisdom was created before all other things,
and prudent understanding from eternity.
6 The root of wisdom-to whom has it been revealed?
Her subtleties-who knows them?
8 There is but one who is wise, greatly to be feared,
seated upon his throne-the Lord.
9 It is he who created her;
he saw her and took her measure;
he poured her out upon all his works,
10 upon all the living according to his gift;
he lavished her upon those who love him.
Ecclesiasticus 1:1-10

Come, Holy Spirit, come
Come into my heart; draw close to me through you power,
O my God, and pour into me your love.
I await with trembling.

Preserve me, O Spirit,
From every Evil in this world,
Warm me, inflame me with your love,
And every pain will seem light to me.
My Creator, my sweet Lord, help me in all my actions.

The Child

Who is now taller than me. We noticed yesterday. She's maybe an eighth of an inch or a fourth of an inch taller than me. Taller. Than I am. Taller.

An Exercise

I was going to buy him a cat. He had been in the nursing home for years; too many one might say, but the medical care he received made him healthier and stronger. It was hard to give him the proper care anywhere else.

Papa had made for himself an “office” in the gathering room on “A” wing. He would pull his wheelchair up to a lowboy dresser that someone had donated and diddle with his papers. He and I had filled the top drawer with office supplies: a box of cards, a handful of pens, stamps, scissors and his address book. He would spend hours writing cards to the people he had known in his lifetime. He liked to be busy and as long as I knew him, I knew of his work ethic. He wrote to people from the hospital where he had been a purchasing agent for 30 years, people from his old community, people from church, relatives. In that book though, there were a lot of scratched out names. He would sit and look at those names and tell me stories; “I remember when Billy Rae was just a kid in dungarees. He passed last year.” He was aware of his own mortality. He would hold my hand as he cried.

He had lost so much, really. He lost his autonomy; he had lost his home. He couldn’t even maintain personal dignity, as his bladder would betray him. He was ashamed of having to wear an adult diaper. In the end he had lost his identity, as he couldn’t remember his full name. He eventually gave up writing his cards, but couldn’t give up shuffling them around. He actually wore them out moving them around and trimming off the corners. He lost his purpose. He would cry out that he didn’t even know why he was alive anymore. But only at times. Most of the time he reverted to what I realized was his essential self; a sunny-souled man who loved people and knew he was loved. When I entered the room, his face would brighten up, he’d reach out and he’d say, “Come over here and give me some sugar!”

I was going to buy him a cat the week he died. The nursing home had adopted a new policy of allowing pets – a couple of cats and dogs per hall and birds in cages, goldfish and hamsters. It was a cheap substitute for human touch (without which we really will wither and die.) He had refused to leave his bed for a couple of days and he hadn’t eaten. I cajoled him into eating a Dairy Queen strawberry shake earlier in the week, but he didn’t want any on this particular day. It wasn’t that he wasn’t aware but he just was somehow beyond me. He lay prone in his bed. I was used to him tucking me in bed at night and it was strange to see him there. I sat with him a while that day and then on the next. We didn’t say much. There was no need or compulsion to talk. I would hold his hand and stroke his shiny bald head and sing a bit. He wanted me to read from the book of John.

We got the call around 6:00 in the morning a week after he took to his bed. He had died between the 5:00 and 6:00 rounds. The next days were a blur. I don’t even remember getting his possessions from the nursing home or the funeral. I know that I saved a handful of worn-out greeting cards with all their corners trimmed off and a pair of brass handled office scissors. I keep them in my own office.

I have watched so many of those I love age and die. So many funerals; maybe 12 or 15 in the last 10 years. Each showed their essential nature before they died; Leslie’s generosity, my Dad’s passion and fire, my mother’s compassion and gentleness, Aunt Mary’s greed, Lou’s vanity. What will my essential nature be?

*****

This was written as an exercise to create a dialogue between William James' concept of the healthy-soul and the sick-soul and Joan Erikson's Ninth Stage of Life (the Dystonic Stage).

Evening Prayer

O Savior Christ, you too as we;
You have been troubled, tempted, tried;
Your kind but searching glance can see
The very wounds that shame would hide.

Your touch has still its ancient power.
No word from you can fruitless fall;
Hear, in this solemn evening hour,
And in your mercy heal us all.

Words: Henry Twells, 1868

Psalm 10:1-10
Why do you stand so far off, O LORD, *
and hide yourself in time of trouble?

The wicked arrogantly persecute the poor, *
but they are trapped in the schemes they have devised.

The wicked boast of their heart's desire; *
the covetous curse and revile the LORD.

The wicked are so proud that they care not for God; *
their only thought is, "God does not matter."

Their ways are devious at all times;
your judgments are far above out of their sight; *
they defy all their enemies.

They say in their heart, "I shall not be shaken; *
no harm shall happen to me ever."

Their mouth is full of cursing, deceit, and oppression; *
under their tongue are mischief and wrong.

They lurk in ambush in public squares
and in secret places they murder the innocent; *
they spy out the helpless.

They lie in wait, like a lion in a covert;
they lie in wait to seize upon the lowly; *
they seize the lowly and drag them away in their net.

The innocent are broken and humbled before them; *
the helpless fall before their power.

Luke 8:47-48
When the woman saw that she could not remain hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before him, she declared in thepresence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.'

God of peace,
You teach us that in returning and rest we will be saved,
Resting in quietness and confidence, you will be our strength:
By the might of your Spirit lift me, I pray, to your presence,
Where I may be still and know that you are God;

I pray that your grace may always precede me and follow me.
I pray that your light cut the clouds of darkness,
I pray that your presence be made know to me.
Be my light in the darkness, O Lord, and in your great mercy defend me from all perils and dangers of this night; for the love of your only Son, our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Blue Funk

Is deepening. I've had bouts of depression -- postpartum, after both kids, but never "out of the blue" like this. Maybe if I call it what it is, it will help: Depression. I'm depressed. (And yet there is still a part of me that goes "Yeah, but it will be over soon. Just grin and bear it." Can it be a real depression if I'm still thinking that?)

Headache, lethargy, task avoidance, lack of sleep. I couldn't think of a compelling reason to put my shoes on today. I stared at them for a while and tried to think of one. I finally did it when my daughter reminded me she was going to be late to school.

I think a part of it is the weather; a part of it is the heavy academic load; a part of it is never catching up with the housework; a part of it is missing my parents this time of year. The days are becoming shorter and the skies are grey. I don't take time to really worship anymore; it all becomes a task that I have to do, that I'm compelled to do.

We went to Wallyworld yesterday and the mere thought of buying more stuff to take care of wore me out.

Just Blue.

Losing My Jesus

A couple of times a year, I get tired/overwhelmed/burned out to the point that I "lose my Jesus."

Madeline L'Engle called it a sort of "spiritual flu" that all who minister get occasionally -- and if you just get rest and take care of yourself, you get better. She also occasionally said she "came down with a case of atheism" on occasion and prescribed the same cure.

What's surprising to me is that I'm NOT as busy/overwhelmed/whatever as I have been in the rather recent past -- CPE was all that and I didn't come down with this spiritual flu. But I wonder if I've been running on spiritual adrenaline for so long that it was bound to happen.

I suppose it's part of the "pastor never taking sabbath" thing, too. I'm going to have to start doing the Morning Prayer discipline again and start going to Evensong on occasion. I get so TIRED of the happy happy joy joy type of worship.

So there you go. That's where I am right now.

Comfort stuff

(see following recipies)

Beverage: Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon, Merlot at night.
Chair: the horrible looking brown thing in the living room (think brown velveteen with duct tape (the kids call it the Lazy Butt chair)) or my big fluffy chair in my office.
Comfort Read: NOT Karl Barth. Or Billy Jimbo. Or any other theology dude. Or anything published by Alban or Orbis or... actually anything that is a murder mystery with a woman clergyperson.
Comfort TV: Law and Order. SOMEONE must have Law and Order in their life, right? Or ST: Enterprise. I heart Captain Archer. Or House or Gray's Anatomy.
Comfort Companions: I was craving snuggling my kids earlier -- they are fighting now. What WAS I thinking?? Top of the list? the Loving Husband.

Comfort to me is food. So, I am passing onto you my comfort recipies. Enjoy.

You start with Cheese

1 pound soft Kasseri (beat me where to get it where YOU live; I go to Whole Foods)
about half a stick of butter
lemon
pita
Brandy (about a jigger full)

Cut cheese into slices about 1/4 inch thick. Place on fireproof broiler pan and brush with melted butter. Broil for 4 to 6 minutes until chees is bubbly and light broun.
Immediately take it to the table. Pour Brandy over the cheese and ignite. Sprinkle with lemon juice and serve with warm toasted buttered pita (grilled is good.)

Opa!

Comfort Spanakopita

about 3 pounds of fresh baby spinach
1 pound feta cheese, crumbled
16 oz. of ricotta or cottage cheese
8 oz. cream cheese
1/4 of REAL grated Parmesan
6 eggs
4 small scallions chopped
dash of nutmeg
dash of cinnamon
dash of pepper
1 pound of melted butter
1 pound of filo

Blanch and drain the spinach. Pat it dry with a towel. It really needs to be pretty dry.
Thaw filo. Beat cream cheese and eggs until fluffy. Add other cheese and other seasonings and mix until blended. The filling can sit overnight in the refrigerator and let the flavors intermingle...
In a largish baking pan layer about 8 or 10 sheets of filo with butter, letting the excess filo make like a pie crust. Spread filling on top, add another layer of 8 or 10 sheets of filo and seal by overlapping the edges. Cut into diamonds BEFORE you bake it. Drizzle leftover butter on top. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. (If there is any filo leftover, make Baklava.)

Southern Comfort Baklava

5 pounds Pecans (said pee'-cans)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbs. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. nutmeg
2 lbs. filo pastry, thawed
1 lb. butter, melted

Grind or chop the nuts coarsely. Mix with the sugar and spices. Line two baking pans with a sheet of filo and brush with butter. Place another sheet on top and so on until you have about 6 sheets. Sprinkle with nut mixture generously. Add sheets of filo and nut mixture layered until all the nuts are gone. Place the remaining filo sheets on top -- about 8 sheets is good. Brush generously with butter. Cut Baklava into desired shapes and then place in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes. Cut heat to 250 degrees and continue to bake for another hour. In the mean time, make the syrup.

3 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 lemon, juice of
at least one stick of connamon
1 cup honey

In medium saucepan, bring all ingredients except the honey to a boil and simmer for about 20 minutes. (SIMMER). Add honey as it cools and (if desired) 1 cup of either Kentucky Bourbon or Southen Comfort (Captain Morgans might be good, too). Spoon cooled syrup over hot pastry.

Makes about 72 pieces (for normal people) or 36 for me.

THIS is comfort food.

Sitting in Evangelism

and thinking.

I've finished up with most of my academic tasks for the week and with the majority of the MediaShout for Sunday. I've only to read and reread "Dogmatics in Outline" for my exam in the morning.

I've been thinking about Evangelism, specifically how this medium can fulfill the Missio Dei. There are a few of us thinking about a conference called "The Internet is My Parish" -- how can we really do evangelism with this internet stuff?

I suppose you have to start with what Evangelism really is: what is a good working definition that would work with a medium that does not allow spreading the message in incarnational ways? On the web I found this definition for internet evangelism:

Any use of Internet technology to spread the Christian Gospel; through websites, chat rooms, news groups or via e-mail.

Huh. How can it really be Evangelism without being F2F?

*******

I've been thinking a lot about the sex-scandals in Congress and children being killed in school. I have too much to say -- but none of it that hasn't already been said. I hear these things and then listen to happy-clappy music on the very same radio station and I ask myself why there seems to be such a disconnect? Where are the laments? The Psalms are half lament -- how come we are so stuck on the happy-clappy? Where has the lament in our music gone to? and Why?

I have a headache

I've not gotten enough sleep in several days -- today I got to sleep until almost 8:00 am. Yeah!
But now I have a headache. Maybe coffee will help....
Left to do on the list:
Evangelism Reading Reaction
Read this week's Billy Jimbo and write the reflection paper
Systematics Midterm Friday

The presentation was FAB if I do say so myself. Just enough material for the time allotted, just enough cartoons to make a nice light mood, just enough questions/answers and group participation.

I've been reading "Open Secrets" by Richard Licher and "Leaving Church" in between all my required readings. It's interesting how all the stuff I read just stews together in my brain and creates some interesting synthesis.

15 minutes

before I leave to do an hour long presentation on a subject I know very little. (I know, "so what's different about that?" Sigh) At least seminary has taught me how to go on and on and on for a very long time on very little material.

I have chosen a hermenutic of cartoon strips, so at least it should be interesting (or amusing.)

AND

This amuses me. Hattip to Tony.
To quote: The astonishing story of the incomparable Rex Libris, Head Librarian at Middleton Public Library, and his unending struggle against the forces of ignorance and darkness. With the aid of an acient god who lives beneath the library branch, Rex travels to the farthest reaches of the galaxy in search of overdue books. Wearing his super thick bottle glasses, and armed with an arsenal of high technology weapons, he strikes fear into recalcitran borrowers, and can take on virtually any foe from zombies to renegade public-domain literary characters with aplomb.

If these go over well, maybe it means that my concept stories (The Vicar Wore Leather)* might actually be marketable.

*The first in a series: The Pastor Wore Pastels, The Preacher Wore Denim, The Parson Wore Wool and so on.

What I've Finished So Far

*Write an hour long presentation about how the Bowen Family Systems Analysis can be used in a local congregation (with handouts and media) (Monday) (Ok, half done, but definitely on the downhill slide)
*Do the Confirmation Class on Sunday morning (presentation and handouts already written, yeah!) completed
*Do the Media for Worship (Sunday) Completed except for the final run-through
*Read and study for Systematics Midterm (Wednesday)
*Write a Proposal for Evangalism (Tuesday) all done except for the formatting and printing out
*Read some more Billy Jimbo (William James) and write a paper (Wednesday)
*Attend an all day long Worship Seminar on Saturday DONE
*Get my Emissions Inspection -- oops. But I did get my driver's license renewed
*Oh, yeah, clean the house and entertain my in-laws WHILE my LH is out of town on Friday and Saturday. As done as it's gonna get.

I also
Bought food and put a pot roast in the crock pot
Purchased ingredients for Baklava
Remembered to get FIL a B'day cake
Got some sleep

Why I Should Not Cook While Reading William James

So, I'm reading the next chapters in the Varieties and cooking at the same time. I reach into the cabinet and get all the "chili stuff" out of the cabinet; red beans, black beans, tomato paste, tomatoes, little green chilis. An entire constellation of canned goods. I'm still reading. I begin to open the cans and dump them into the pot with the ground beef. The tomato paste doesn't come out with out a spoon and I stir it in. Then I look at the can -- it's canned pumpkin. Huh.

I add a can of tomato paste and taste it -- I can't taste the pumpkin. Maybe THIS is how I get the kids to eat more veggies. I stir in more spices and put the pot on high to come to a boil. I'm still reading. I forget about the pot until I hear it bubbling -- I've scorched it. I now have scorched pumpkin chili.

I decant the chili into another pot making sure I don't get the burnt bits. The chili now tastes decidedly "smoky." I've now added MORE spices, including some curry powder because I've run out of everthing else.

We are having curried pumpkin chili for dinner. I wonder if anyone will notice the difference?

The conclusion: William James has inspired me to new heights in cooking.

Mid-Term Crunch

has begun early -- in all of my classes the instructors have said "hey, let's get the midterms out of the way early so that you can concentrate on your other class." This would work IF they ALL hadn't done it.

So this weekend I have to:
Write an hour long presentation about how the Bowen Family Systems Analysis can be used in a local congregation (with handouts and media) (Monday)
Do the Confirmation Class on Sunday morning (presentation and handouts already written, yeah!)
Do the Media for Worship (Sunday)
Read and study for Systematics Midterm (Wednesday)
Write a Proposal for Evangalism (Tuesday)
Read some more Billy Jimbo (William James) and write a paper (Wednesday)
Attend an all day long Worship Seminar on Saturday
Get my Emissions Inspection
Oh, yeah, clean the house and entertain my in-laws WHILE my LH is out of town on Friday and Saturday.

I'm telling myself "Breathe. One thing at a time. You can get sleep in Novemember."

And now for an extraordinarily boring post

on the Varieties of Religious Experience by William James. Are you ready?

Religion and Neurology
After some introductory remarks, James begins his book with a discussion with the manner in which he delivers his lectures: by examination psychologically of “subjective phenomena recorded in literature produced by articulate and fully self-conscious men, in works of piety and autobiography.” (p.3) He arrogantly declares his lack of theological training. He distinguishes between two types of inquiry into religious experience: What is its nature (essence)? And what does it mean? Science can help with the first, and he will not really look at the second. He compares this type of inquiry with methods of historical interpretation and exegesis of the scriptures, one is an existential judgment; the other a value judgment. He acknowledges that the existential facts are not enough to make that value judgment for one is purely existential and the other is spiritual. His intent is then to examine subjective religious experience via scientific and rigorous methods. He makes distinctions between first order and second order religious experience and will only examine closely first order experiences which burn within those who experience them. The pathology of the person having these experiences can be included in the discussion, but do not invalidate the experience; i.e. art should be examined for its own merits rather than the mental stability of the artist. When examining these experience he tells us that the intellect will first class it among those things that we understand and then secondly look at from whence it comes, its point of origin. He also discusses the origin of religious experience: medically – is there a medical reason? but rejects medical materialism because it avoids a judgment of value. Or can the roots ever be known? Perhaps then the fruit of the experience should be examined; are they useful for the long run? He suggests a new criterion: immediate luminousness, philosophical reasonableness and moral helpfulness.
The Circumscription of the Topic
James begins an attempt to define “religion” noting that it is a complex subject that can tend to oversimplification which then can lead to absolutism and dogmatism. Religion should not stand for one single concept but a collection of concepts. Similarly is considered the term “religious sentient.” Religious experience is not a separate emotion, but consists of the full range of human emotion. For his purposes, James will examine only personal religious experience and eschew the institutional because the institution (i.e. the church) consists almost entirely of second-hand experiences. “Religion, therefore, as I shall ask you arbitrarily to take it, shall mean for us the feelings, acts and experiences of individual men in their solitude, so far as they apprehend themselves to stand in relation to whatever they consider the divine." (p. 31) In James opinion, what distinguishes religion from humanism is the passion with which is it embraced and yet the passivity it accepts suffering.
The Reality of the Unseen
James intends to explore “some of the psychological peculiarities of such an attitude as this, or belief in an object which we cannot see.” (p. 53) He states that religion seems to be the ordering of a reality that is unseen and placing ourselves in subjugation to that order. The actual objects of worship are known to us only in idea (bringing to mind his discussions of percepts and concepts). God, the soul, design of freedom and eternal life are some of these concrete ideas – that in turn are full of abstract properties or objects (along with religion itself); abstractions like God’s holiness, his justice, his mercy, his absoluteness, and so on. He reflects that Kant said that these concrete objects are not objects at all because they cannot be known by human senses – that they have no sense content and thus are void of significance. Yet we can act as if – we can act as if there is a God, we can acts as if we possess a soul, we can act as if we there is an after life and our actions can lend meaning to our lives – they can make a difference in our moral life. This is not a new idea – “Plato gave so brilliant and impressive a defense of this common human feeling, that the doctrine of the reality of abstract objects has been known as the platonic theory of ideas ever since.”
James looks at case studies of “hallucinations” – an awareness of a “presence” in a room localized and seemingly real, but cannot be sense by any of the ordinary human senses, recounting experiences of his acquaintances and in books. In one, a hallucination communicated to his acquaintance a sense of “horribleness” – he states that his friend did not interpret this as the presence of God, but it would have not been unnatural to do so. He recounts other experiences like this; first recounting some that do not have religious overtones, then some that do. He notes that these experiences have a “sense of reality”; some negative, some positive and he actually uses the word “haunted” on page 63. They are utterly real to the person having the experience. He sums up these cases by saying, “Such is the human ontological imagination, and such is the convincingness of what it brings to birth.” (p. 72) He then concludes the lecture stating that reason and rationalism are limited: the rational only begin to describe these experiences that are not explainable by sensory data.
The Religion of Healthy-Mindedness
In this lecture, James starts to look at religious optimism. He notes two types of religious optimism: simple and complex. Simple religious optimism comes from those who are naturally that way, complex religious optimism is obtained by effort. For simple people, “happiness is congenital and irreclaimable.” (p. 79) In simple once-born people, regeneration is not necessary for they do not understand sin, but this can be taken to near pathological extemes. He speaks of Walt Whitman as incapable of feeling or understanding evil. He then turns to complex optimism – the deliberate adoption of an optimistic mind, calling it a voluntary healthy mindedness. Here, the person deliberately turns a blind eye to evil, in fact, the only true evil is calling things evil. (p. 89) Simple optimism seems pagan and full of bravado; complex is akin to denial “so that the world we recognize officially in literature and in society is a poetic fiction far handsomer and cleaner and better than the world that really is.” (p. 90) He examines the “mind cure” – a deliberately optimistic scheme of life that has a speculative and practical applications. James cites several cases. He calls the movement “moonstruck optimism” but notes it has had practical fruit. He compares Methodism and Lutheranism to this mind-cure religion, without the conviction of sin, just free grace. He looks at primitive thought – where a savage will personalize forces of nature which are really impersonal for personal ends and compares this to the “mind cure” which it is diametrically opposed, that personal thoughts are forces that one can control. All that can be said, truly, is that “The experiences which we have been studying … plainly show the universe to be a more many-sided affair than any sect, even the scientific sect, allows for.” (p. 122)

Instead of Reading William James

(and in between reading) the Varieties of Religious Experience today, I have:

*washed several loads of laundry -- I've actually run out of bleach

*washed many items by hand -- esp. the vintage eveningwear from the 1950's and 1960's that's been in the garage for quite a while

*hung to dry three vintage quilts in the sunshine

*cleaned the bathroom

*washed three loads of dishes -- including the crystal that looked a little "greasy"

*polished two silver candlesticks and one silver bowl

*made great inroads to cleaning the Dining Room

*played around with the guitar

*read BBT's "Leaving Church"

*cleaned out the electronics drawer next to the sofa that has all the misc "electronics" stuff

*folded all the clothing and put it up

After all that (and in between all that ) I did indeed manage to read all my assigned readings but I have a conclusion:

William James is very good for the housework motivation factor.

Where does time go?

I get up, I do a few things and then before I know it, it's mid to late afternoon.
Where does time go? Is there a time monster that eats up minutes, like Cookie Monster eats up cookies? Is there a "time black hole" that sucks up all spare time? Where are some "free minutes" that I can get? Does anyone really have some left over at the end of the month?

More papers due tomorrow and Wednesday, more reading to be done. Where does time go?

What I Accomplished Today

All I have managed to finish today is a brushing of THE HAIR.
It took a couple of hours, but it is now completely and throughly brushed. I can't wait untils she decideds it's OK to cut it and give it to Locks of Love. I'm sure by this time tomorrow, it will be tangled again.

The Autumnal Cold

has arrived. No, it's not colder here, I have a cold. A cold that started out as the sniffles, moved into my sinuses and now is bronchitis. I get two or three of these a year -- I wish I could avoid them for the rest of my life.

I know that stress doesn't help; I need to build up my immune system. I have been taking vitamins everyday as well as a Dannactive yogert thingy. I believe if I get a little more exercise and a little more sleep, it couldn't hurt.

Anyway, I have been entertaining myself by imagining myself on something like this:

A beautiful mahogany boat -- vintage ChrisCraft or the ilk, with a gorgeous hunk (like in the previous pictures) with curly dark brown hair. Crisp white linen outfits, of course, the girls in sailor collars and a flag whipping in the wind in the back. Ah, well, I can dream.

What the RevMommy family does on the weekend

Yeah! It's the day after my birthday!

For my birthday I got:
a big box of books from Pitts Theology Library.
a HUGE basket of Mums from the LH (the kids are calling it a "shrub" it's so big).
Final Cut Express (software)
"Prayer" by Karl Barth, edited by Don Saliers (I'm going to get Don to sign it during class next week).
Communion in the Chapel with Don being the celebrant (OK, he didn't do this for my birthday, but anyway....)
Lunch with a good friend
dinner at the Japanese steakhouse
I didn't answer my cell phone all day.
I didn't answer email all day.
I may not do them again today.

What I did do yesterday is that I have contemplated is my ancient and advanced age. Sigh.

Ancient, am I. Of course I formed my opinion of ancient when I was 20 and 40 was ancient. I may have to reform my concept of ancient.....

Woo Hoo!

Pitts Theology Library is holding a book sale today!!
Woo Hoo!
I picked up a 1912 1st edition book written by Warren Candler -- that he gave to Pitts. For those who don't know, Bishop Candler was integral in moving Emory from Oxford to Decatur Georgia.
I also picked up 3 Books of Worship from 1964 that are imprinted with "Durham Chapel" -- Durham Chapel is now Pitts Library -- we dedicated Cannon Chapel in 1981. I think that when the new buildings are built, they will rededicate a "teaching chapel" and perhaps they will call it Durham Chapel.
I picked up also a 1874 copy of Milton's Poems.
Woo Hoo!

Note: I write this as I sit and listen to Don Saliers speak of the sovereingity of God. I better stop now and pay attention. Who ever put wireless in this building was EVIL.

Just in case you MIGHT be interested

The paper of the day: the first two lectures in William James' Varieties of Religious Experience.
Lovely.

A run-on sentence

I have a paper due at 8:00 tomorrow morning and I don't think I'm going to finish because for the first time in SEVERAL days I have a stable internet connection and I can't stop reading BLOGS and boy am I going to regret that in the morning because the silly paper comparing circumcisions and baptisms won't be finished in time because I am reading BLOGS and so I may have to turn off the brand new router so that I can finish my paper instead of reading BLOGS BUT I will develop willpower and stop reading BLOGS until the silly paper is finished.

Wish me luck.

Internet

Internet. Sick. Bad Router. Must call Geek.

I've done a video

for this morning -- a prayer meditation for 9/11. I'll post it later on my video blog. If you want the URL, just let me know in the comments or email me.

It's actually good, if I do say so myself.

Seminary Corrupts the Mind

Proof:

Statement of the day:  "So Dr. Saliers, what you are saying is that Caputo's take on Deconstructuralism and Phenomonology takes Postmodernity further -- past reductionism and realitivism into a sort of nihilism? Or perhaps what he is looking for through his deconstruction is for that which cannot be deconstructed -- and with that hope he can enter into a second naivete, as espoused by Barth and Ricoeur? In other words, postmodern thought, even though taken to its logical extremes becomes this reductionistic realitivism and even nihilism, is the ultimate search for the Absolute?"

Yes, I actually said that.

Your basic half-baked thought

I've been able today to spend some time thinking and meditating and praying. I really missed that during the summer. I enjoy a quiet house in the morning, a cup of coffee, no music or sound around, lighting some candles and sitting and praying.

I've been watching a lot of video clips for a project I'm working on for Monday -- one was a vintage science film about Brownian Motion. I was mesmerized by watching the little particles move around. It actually reminded me of the toddler room a the church.... But I realized that it represents my life. Nothing stays the same, everything shifts and moves. I'm always looking for stuff that sprouts legs and moves. Today it was the Elmer's glue.

I'm always surprised when I drive down a street for the first time in a couple of months at "instant subdivision." Just add water and stir.

Things are always in motion.

But in this film, the stirring rod was the constant. It never moved. Of course, I know it did move... eventually, but it was stable in that environment. It provided a point of reference in a ever changing world.

I wonder if God is the ultimate expression of stillness. God can be our point of reference in an ever-changing world. Maybe we cannot know God because we don't understand stillness. My stillness in the morning is my greatest expression of true Religious Experience. I only can hear God in this stillness.

So I think I'll just sit a while. Will you join me?

It's time for school...

for me as well as the kids. I've been in school for a very long time, or so it seems.

The United Methodist Church is different than other denominations, in some ways. When I was Baptist (oh so long ago), to become an ordained pastor, the only authority you had to appeal to was your own congregation. No education, no Board of Ordained Ministry, no nothing. Of course, it was expected that you would continue to grow and learn and what not. But few (if any) hoops to jump through.

The Lutherans have strictly defined hoops. Three years of seminary, field ed and then an internship year. Very structured. Thats beginning to appeal to me.

The UMC most definitely has hoops. Although to get started on the path to pastorhood, it really doesn't take very many jumps. I went to License to Preach school with some very fine people -- some of which hadn't even finished college, much less seminary. They became Local Pastors and the LPs of our church do a lot of good. They take churches in the rural areas that just simply couldn't afford a seminary trained pastor. They take churches that a seminary trained pastor probably WOULDN'T take. Most of them really know where the rubber hits the road. I hear that there are conferences that are 70 percent (or higher) Local Pastors.

Then there are the Student Pastors -- I think that's what I'm considered at the moment, although I've been appointed as a Local Pastor to my church. They are the seminary students -- most of them will become full Elders, in due time. They take churches and either go to school during the week and drive home to their church on the weekend, or they have a longish commute.

After that, we have the Deacons. This is a "terminal ordination" (as I heard it described one day.) It's a seminary trained person who feels the call to serve as a bridge between the laity and the clergy -- called to Word perhaps but not to Sacrament.

Then there are Elders. To become an elder, you must have a seminary education. You go through a discernment process with a mentor, you become certified as a candidate by the District Board of Ordained Ministry. You write bunches of papers and record a sermon or two for the Board to examine. You write some Bible studies. You have long interviews by the Board -- very long for some, just a couple of days for others. If you pass muster, you become a Probitionary Member -- you have 3 years to serve as a minister before you get ordained. Once you become ordained in a conference, you are guaranteed an appointment until you retire.

I am currently a Local Pastor and a Student Pastor. I've done the basic interviews. I'm writing the papers. I'm doing the school work. I have taken it really slow, but I'm getting tired of school. I have learned so very much by serving a church at the same time I have gone to school. But I'm getting tired of school. This is my 6th (or 7th??) year of school past my undergrad work -- my 5th at Candler. I just feel ready to move on.

So I've prayed (imagine that!) and contemplated what to do this semester. If I take a full load this semester and next, I can graduate. I may not get the grades I'm used to getting -- but I can graduate. I may not finish all the ordination papers this year, but I can graduate. I will have to really cut back the hours I do at church (which has already happened b/c of CPE), but I can graduate.

My first class today had 8 (eight) books of required reading -- over 1200 pages. If the other classes are the same, I'm going to be reading a lot, but I can graduate.

Y'all pray for me. I need it. The next few months will be grueling, but I will be able to graduate.

Labor Day at Lake Lanier

Birthday zOOm

to Stacey of
The Almond Branch.
Stacey is:
Never boring to be around
Faithful
Thoughtful
Beautifully sarcastic (when she wishes)
Caring
A Punk Young Pastor
Amused by my youngest child
and yesterday
Cold.

Happy Birthday Stacey! My life is richer by knowing you!

and another Birthday zOOM to Hugh of
Standing Room Only
Hugh is:
owned by Polly
Beloved by Gordon
Funny and tall
deliciously wicked (when he wants)
and missed in the chatroom.

Happy Birthday Hugh! And I pray for many happy returns!

A New Video

Found at the Work of the People

I will never be able to use this in worship, but it is powerful. It is about human trafficking in real life and the internet. Sobering.

This and That

and the other thing.

First, that article in my previous posting is indeed making its rounds in the internet -- or at least the RevGal part of the internet. I don't know what to think. I do know that through my experience and what I have observed, I will never, ever have "big church" by myself. My children's generation -- well, maybe.

I've worked in a male-dominated world before. When I was in the computer world and attending computer shows, I was never taken seriously until I pulled out the corporate checkbook. When it was realized that I controlled the money, the geeks would talk to me. But their memories were really short and the next day, I'd have to pull out the checkbook again.

I've seen men work in a female dominated world recently as well -- in the hospital there are a handful of male nurses. In a children's hospital, that is truly rare. And I must say, they were treated differently. Most of them were treated with great respect until people realized they weren't doctors and then the male nurses were looked at as if they had two heads. An oddity.

I know so many clergywomen who don't get the respect until they wear a "uniform" of some sort -- the Anglicans and Lutherans have it easy b/c they can wear the collar. It was interesting to listen to BBT on NPR the other day talk about taking the collar off. How it's a full circle. Hmmm....

Anyway, I've been very quiet this week because I am working on a video to use in our prayer time this Sunday. It's called "A Lament for Katrina" and I am going to upload it to mac dot com. If you want to see it, drop me an email at candlemb at bellsouth.net and I'll email you the URL. It is still rendering (much faster with the Duo-Core, btw) -- 42 minutes more to render, then the upload will take forever, but it should be done this afternoon.

NY Times has a great article

The Stained Glass Ceiling
Interviews from two people I KNOW.

Maybe I'll just stick to statistics.

It's funny

I've spent 12 (really 13) weeks in CPE now. I was getting very used to getting pushed and stretched. I had so much to say and so little time to say it in. I became very tender (sore) and really open. I stopped using makeup -- and started using my real name in my favorite chatroom instead of "reverend mommy."

I now have had a little time to process stuff -- time to think and even sometime to begin dreaming again. And it's funny. What I am using to find comfort is mathematics -- I'm compiling statistics and doing statistical analysis for a congregational analysis. Yes, I am going to use it in Teaching Parish -- in October! But I'm doing it now for the sheer comfort of it. It's really analytic and really cerebral. I don't think it's a permanent retreat -- it's just a respite. I'll do more of the "self-awareness" stuff, but its going to be in a little while (actually in a couple of weeks). I'm giving myself a sort of break.

And I giggle because very few (VERY few) people use statistics and analysis of statistics (Oooo!! I could do a ANOVA between my 5 groups!!) for comfort. Heh. (Woo Hoo! a ANOVA regression analysis! Yeah boy!)

In fact, that's hilarious! hee hee hee.

UPDATE:
This just in!! I was tired of doing everything in Excel. I mean, it's a great little spreadsheet program, but it's so hard to get it to do what I want it to do. I've used some freeware/shareware in the past and they were.... ok (I guess). So, I surfed around for a few minutes and found this. Oh. My. Goodness.

With this product, some good chocolate and a glass of red wine, I think I'm in heaven. Too bad I can't use the computer in the bathtub -- but I could use some candles....

Another Christian Product

In-Souls

To quote their website:

"Inspirational Scripture Shoe Inserts

Designed to aid in the daily prayer, meditation and growth of a strong spiritual relationship with Christ.

In-Souls inserts are designed to provide a tangible support to assist Christians to literally "walk in the word of the Lord." Worn in the right shoe, each one provides a related scripture and affirmation. To enhance the spiritual walk with God, the inserts help one to "stand" on His Word, meditating on it day and night. Inserts may be alternated daily to help cultivate the word of God in your life. Look for other In-Souls sets to cover a variety of topics - from trust, obedience, patience and redemption to marriage, work and body image."

They vaguely remind me of Tefillin or phylacteries, which are the two boxes containing Biblical verses that have black leather straps attached to them to strap them onto the arm or forehead. They are used in rabbinic Jewish prayer, but then removed for the rest of the day.

I suppose this is disturbing to me because the foot was considered (at the time of Christ) as the dirtiest part of the body. It doesn't seem to be a sign of respect.

Again, Christian marketing the leaves me speechless.

I have nothing at all to say

I feel drained. One on-call left and then life starts over again: school, home, church and the like.

CPE has been one of the most valuable experiences in my life so far. I'm planning on a residency year after I graduate.

But for today, I'm drained. So here are some more news stories that have caught my eye:

Teens for Pologamy

Bush Signs Law to Protect Giant Crosses

Granny's Take on Adam and Eve

T-t-that's All Folks!

Lectionary Leanings

For those of you preaching the Ephesians text this week, it's not too late to get these.

Or maybe it is.

Pick my jaw up off the floor, I'm speechless.

Random Quotations Meme

From Linda

It's an easy one to do. The rules: "Go here and look through random quotes until you find 5 that you think reflect who you are or what you believe."

Here are mine:

The forceps of our minds are clumsy forceps, and crush the truth a little in taking hold of it.
H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946), 1903

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)

The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.
John Dewey (1859 - 1952)

Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.
Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924)

I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.
Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892)

And a bonus

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
Albert Einstein

And some of my very favorite of all time

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
Peter Sellers (1925 - 1980)

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.
Ronnie Shakes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)